Masturbation gone wrong!

[iron_lynx]

I actually already posted this in another thread, but seeing as it's so appropriate, I'll copy-pasta it amd elaborate a bit for your enjoyment. more or less.

Many moons ago I made the mistake of using something (something being a regualr hard plastic core, jelly covered vibrator with a burnt out motor) with no base to speak of for the only kind of penetration we men have to chose from. Everything on that particular night was going swimmingly, and I was having a particularly fun time for some reason. I can't quite recall why I was so vigorous at that point because what was to follow sapped all traces of vigor from me. During a particularly intense orgasm, the flex of my muscles created enough vacuum to pull my toy inside me, and not just inside a little bit. The feeling was actually quite fantastic as I recall and drove me all the wilder, but once I came down I had a problem to deal with.

See, once I finished I discovered that I could only just barely make contact with my toy using my middle finger if I really stretched it into me, so manual retreival was instantly out of the question. I was luckily spared the embarrassment of heading to the OR to get it out, but it took a lot of careful manipulation and an exhausting amount of effort to save myself from that predicament. The toy had gotten past the first bend in my system, so I had to lay my stomach over a hard chair and put all my weight on it while I pushed with all my might. When It finally came out it did so very suddenly and clattered across the bathroom, stopping just short of the wall (A testiment to just how much force I had to use, I suppose). I then rolled off the chair because it was getting painful and slumped to the ground. I couldn't pick myself off the floor for at least another hour after, and when I did it was only to move me and the toy into the shower where I layed on the bottom of the tub with the water runing after cleaning up a bit. I may not have been so totally sapped if removing the toy hadn't taken an hour and a half of frantic sobbing panic, but it did and I was.

So there you have it.... the story of one of the most uncomfortable nights of my life... and in retrospect, probably the story of my deepest penetration too, lol.

[iron_lynx]

Whatta jerk! Well you got him back for that at least right?

Unfortunately not and that wasn't the only time that sort of thing happened. I had a "nice guy" attitude at school so I just tried to ignore most incidents.

School kids suck... You're either a nice guy who gets all the shit or you give the proper reply and is seen as a bully ¬¬
Happened to me alot.

I tended to play the softie, and I let my share (and then some) of harrassment roll off my shoulders, but there where a few incidents where I gave the proper response and I was damn proud of myself afterwards too, lol. Keep in mind here, and I'm about 5'6" and was between 200~180lbs during the times of these events.

There was an incident where I took the legs out from under a guy almost twice my size (and ripped no less) and dropped him on his head on the gym floor (and I'm glad that worked out too, because I'm sure I would have broken something if he had been able to land a hit).
There was a tiny guy who would hang on me and dish out the most pathetic punches I've ever received in my life, who, after years of me ignoring him and his comments, tried to trip me coming down the school bleachers and found himself being thrown off of them. He cussed and thrashed on the ground. I laughed my creepiest laugh. it went well.
And there was a another punk who would always twist my nipples in the locker room and try and slap my books out of my hands. After one such slap in got into my one and only extended fight (which involved two of his friends) during which I threw a headbutt (because my hands where being heald) into a punch he was throwing and broke his hand. I was dizzy for about an hour aafter that and had to do three or four days detention, but it was worth it as he did get off my ass after that. in fact, they all did.

:side note: actually, I did end up with a bit of a crazy person reputation, but it had more to do with my sense of humor and a few idiosyncracies that any actual mental instability or and attempt to propogate that attitude. particularly, because I once told one of my teachers that she was just jealous that the voices talk to me.

I don't know why I think anyone cares about what I have to say, but I'll write it anyway, lol.

[iron_lynx]

well... I hate to fill a page with just me, but I had to say this.

Good God Runa. That gave me goosebumps... and shivers... and just a hint of nausea. Geeze, that sounds like a baaaad day for you.
You seem like a nice guy, and I'm sorry to hear that happened to you.

[Wise Guy Yaken]

As for the whole school thing, i was over 6 foot, and 240+lbs while in 6th-7th grade. I used to be pretty quiet and hung out with like 2 people in the whole school. And then they moved, so i really didn't hang out with anyone past then. But i remember once i got really really pissed off at this one kid in my 1st class, i dont remember what he did, but im sure he does. I ended up chasing him out of the classroom right after the bell rang, and he ran as fast as he could, but i charged him down like a raging bull, tackled him into the ground, got him in a choke hold, and K.O.'d him.

There was another time that someone pissed me off and i threw a throwing knife at him and it almost hit him in the face.

Then another fight i got into was with the BIGGEST guy in the whole school, he was fucking with the special ed kids (Who i was friends with) in the lunchroom, and when we got outside we got into a fist fight, he hit me around 15-20 times in the face and head before i even seen it coming, but once he stopped, figuring i was done for and couldnt fight back, i swung one fist and busted his jaw. He ended up in the hospital, while i just ended up with an ice pack on my head.

Overall, i got into a LOT of fights in school, but im much more clamer now. You know how a teenager raging on hormones can be...

[Wise Guy Yaken]

wow, just freakin wow.
hearing these stories makes me want to share one of mine with you all. . . but I dont know
*blushes* im a bit shy and it involves my boyfriend in this lol.

Just share, everyone else is. Let it all out and give us something to laugh at. Being the largest contributer to this thread, who gets laughed at plenty, i don't think its such a big deal. =)

[Wise Guy Yaken]

and to this day of new years, I still have the video saved on a flash drive that I hide from everyone except me and my boy. it might not have been a GOOD story or anything about me but I think his man pride went down a little that night lol. but its all good. ^____^

for now on I give him a heads up when I do shit like that cause like they said "Pay Back is a Bitch" X____X

Okay, now that you voilated your vow to him, its only fare that you go all the way and post the vid. =P

[popo]

Huzzar, New true story from this weekend.

Two days ago(sat) my I was at my BF's house, on his soft, king size bed, naked, in 69, toying with each other, me giving him a handjob and toying his ass with a dildo, while he did the same, 'cept with a bigger dildo ( I R Stretchy ), when his brother, who is only 12 mind, walks in on us.

He just stood there, with the Q_o look on his face, As I turn around and notice him, and poke The BF, and point at the poor, poor Matty, my BF says under his breath "Oh my god, Dammit" just as the kid shouts "M-M-M-M-UUUUUUUUUM Alex and Damien Are Doing Sex together!"

Damien throws on a towel, and I throw on my boxers, as Damien's mom runs in and stares at our midrifts, I got to say, obvious Boxer tent is obvious. She says " Damien, A word in our room" She points at me too, " you too".

We clean up quickly, and put on some more clothes, and enter Jannice's room, and shes smirking, trying to hold it together.

She goes on to explain its all wonderful we're gay etc, then asks us to explain to Matt what the hell we were doing, cause she isn't going to even going to try.

Warning, Following scene is about as embarasing Moment in my life, Far out-embarasing me then the hospital trip buttplug.

Damien and I try explaining to matt, at the kitchen table, that we love each other and that it's completely normal, and that what we was doing with the "strange rubbery things" as he put it felt great. Damien then requested that Matt doesn't tell anyone about him, so whats the first thing matt does? Run outside yelling at the top of his voice " Damien Loves men ", over and over at the top of his lungs, Damien took up chase, Rugby tackled Matt, and dragged him inside before the brat could get away, I was laughing my head off, Damien had a look that could kill, and matt was crying with pain or laughter, probably both. Anyway, I got a email from Damien that his brother, being the irritating, curious git he is decides to try and use one of damien's small dildos, only to get it stuck, the idiot, and then damien had to help Matt get it out. ROFLMAO.

One hell of a weekend

Rovinglycan.

i just laughed my ass off at the last part XD

[SchwarzblutWolf]

That, chiz, was fucking hilarious, I love when people learn new things about themselves XD

[ByyakoKitsune69]

lol, ok ok! ^-^
was just trying to tease.

*coughs, and clears throat*
OK so last year around Thanksgiving, I went over to my Boyfriends Dads House to eat with his family and we all had just a wonderful time with each other. I got to meet alot of people that werent stuck up snobs like a few of his sisters.
but I enjoyed it and everything. . . well around 7 or 8ish people were leaving and going back home with nice full bellys of good food, me and my boy too the time to go back to his bedroom and have our LONELY TIME with each other.
well, I brought my little toy bullet vibrator with me in my bad and was using it on him and my self and he really liked it.
which this gave me a idea but a mean nasty one lol. when me and him were done fooling around and bumping uglies lol,
he took a short little nap and this is where my plan starting to take effect. I grab some of the lube he used on me and ever so lightly I smother it all over his tail-hole and started to play around with him. he really liked it I guess cause he was moving and moaning a bit when I was rubbing him and inserting my finger in him. well then I looked down and saw my vibrator laying next to me, so I grabbed it and lubed that baby up and I aimed it and slowly but hard I was pushing it into his tail hole and next thing you know is all I hear is the worse scream ever and this really out loud "OMG SWEET JESUS???!?!?!". I started to turn up the vibrator on and jumped on him to lay back down and he was squrimming like a little baby telling me to take it out or esle... so I made him beg for it.

so then I take it out of course and looked at him and said " ok now, that wasnt so bad now was it?"
and he said "WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!? IM NOT INTO THAT SHIT AND THAT HURT!!!"
I looked at him and said " you seem to like it, I mean your were moaning for Christ sake."
and he knew he liked it cause I recored it on my little camera and showed it to him and he was just DEAD PALE WHITE and had this look on his face of embrassesment on his face. I leaned in and kiss him on the lips and said " I wont show this and tell anyone honey. I love you ".

and to this day of new years, I still have the video saved on a flash drive that I hide from everyone except me and my boy. it might not have been a GOOD story or anything about me but I think his man pride went down a little that night lol. but its all good. ^____^

for now on I give him a heads up when I do shit like that cause like they said "Pay Back is a Bitch" X____X

Wow that sounds exciting, I wish somebody cute like you would molest me in my sleep lol. He'll get glad again and learn to like it. He might even like it if you used a bad dragon toy on him. of course all you have to do is whip out the old begging kitty face or something similar and he'll be putty especially if you offer to do something really naughty for him.

[iron_lynx]

Speaking of molesting people in their sleep, has anyone else ever molested someone else while you where asleep? Like sleep walking, but a little nicer. lol. I remember one time waking up halfway through the act, and being like "how did I get here?" and my girlfriend (now wifey) was like "You started it, why don't you tell me. lol"

[Quail]

Lol. I'd be freaking out if that happened to me, since no longer on bc pills and it's not like he's going to sleep with protection on.

I just sleep talk. I can carry on a conversation (sound drunk almost) and never remember. Also my bf learned the hard way why NOT to squeeze me when I sleep--I get to be a very gassy person sometimes, so ya. =X

[Wise Guy Yaken]

Oh yeah, i got one. Me and my roommate had colds, so we went to sleep together, and we both took some Nyquil before bed. I woke up to him jerking me off. Went back to sleep. He woke up to me jerking him off. Went back to sleep. And then we both woke up with me blowing him. We both came, while asleep as far as we can tell. And it was very fuzzy the next morning. I didn't remember jerking him off, but remember him jerking me, and he didn't remember jerking me off, but i remember. We both remember the blow job though, we were falling in and out of sleep while doing it.
It was a hell of a night.

[BBmG]

Oh yeah, i got one. Me and my roommate had colds, so we went to sleep together, and we both took some Nyquil before bed. I woke up to him jerking me off. Went back to sleep. He woke up to me jerking him off. Went back to sleep. And then we both woke up with me blowing him. We both came, while asleep as far as we can tell. And it was very fuzzy the next morning. I didn't remember jerking him off, but remember him jerking me, and he didn't remember jerking me off, but i remember. We both remember the blow job though, we were falling in and out of sleep while doing it.
It was a hell of a night.

Nyquil - The Wonder Drug!

[fuyutsuki]

Nyquil - The Wonder Drug!

Yup almost as good as Ambian

[ByyakoKitsune69]

wow maybe I should try some then?

[Wise Guy Yaken]

I started taking Nyquil when ever i have trouble sleeping. I double dose (I have a major tolerance for any form of drugs) and get to sleep fairly easily. The down side is i have very lucid dreams and tend to even sleep walk a bit. Or in that case, sleep sex. One time (Not on Nyquil, but taking Ritalin) i woke up outside standing in the grassy field of my apartments in my boxers and not know what happened. This was when i was like 14 too.

Ritalin had horrible side effects on me, including: sleep walking, panic attacks, seizures, depression, forgetfulness, and a really bad side effect that still effects me to this day; When ever i stare at an object for to long, i start to feel like I'm falling, everything starts fading backwards, and if I'm staring at a person, i get this feeling that their head is way to small for their body and it freaks me out. Yeah, weird, huh? These effects are much worse at night too.

Aside from that, Nyquil is my favorite over the counter medicine, because it's the "Best sleep you got with (Or without) a cold medicine".

[Rose_Dragon226]

This is a two part story dealing with school life and molesting someone while they sleep lol. the first explainning the second.

Now being a pacifist by nature, I'm naturaly a quiet girl and I try to avoid confrontation as much as possible, and being in school thats never a good thing and if you add being a loner and fat well not a good combination I was always the target of bullies and I got beet up alot. apearently someone forgot to tell their sons theere not suposed to hit girls. It was so bad to the point were someone even tired to kill me by strangling me.. I still have issues with tight things around my neck. So I know exactly what it's like to be picked on and bullied though I was never one to do things to make people think I was crazy or anything, how ever I learnt that I could get people back with out them knowing it but still have that satisfaction of getting them back, and that came in handy later on in life when I met my ex husband.

He wasn't a very nice guy... well things were nice a rosy when we first met but things changed after the wedding ring was placed on my finger. This is where the second story of molesting someone comes in. you see even though I have self-esteem issues to begin with I thought I would spice things up with my ex so I went out a bought this black nighty and even though I'm a big girl it still made me look fuckalishious.. even I was like DAAAMN. I waited for a night were things were nice a quiet and I put it on along with a touch of make up and I did my hair and everything. I come out from the bathroom and I call him over and he comes and checks it out touched the nighty a little said it looked okay and then went back to the livingroom to watch TV and have a smoak and proceeded to completely ignore me and after an hour of me sitting beside him nuxxling his neck rubbing his thigh I gave up and went to bed... now this is where the molesting comes in and getting someone back. I lay there awake untill he went to bed and I waited to till he was fast asleep and I began to rub his dick slowly getting him hard (thankfully he didn't wear anything to bed) and then I begin to go to town on him while he's sleeping and he's moanning in his sleep his hips are even thrusting. Then he wakes up just enough to be away that somethings going on but isn't quite sure what I however roll over and go to sleep not finishing him off at all. The next day I wake up early and go about my day and about noon he wakes up and starts walking about and out of the blue he stops and says "crist, my nuts hurt. I feel like I got blue balls or something" I'm not kidding thats exactly what he said, it took everything in me not to burst out laughing. So yeah thats my little story.

P.S. Sorry about the spelling.

[eclipsedxheart]

HA!! somewhat similar sleep stories....
About 4 years ago, my boyfriend at the time was spending the night. now this particular boyfriend, was pretty much useless in bed (too lazy to have sex, and expected multiple blowjobs a day, with a VERY rare returned favor for me) BUT, i loved him, i was young and i didnt think i could do better. so sad. ANYWAYS, one night he was asleep, and i take anywhere from 1-2 hours to actually fall asleep after going to bed, so i was still awake. anyways, we're laying in bed, and all the sudden he reached around and started playing with my tatas. i got happy and thought i was about to get some action so i rolled over to face him. he then grabbed my hand and placed it on his junk. at this point knew my job and i went under the covers and used my mouth to pleasure him.....for the usual 30-40 mins it took to get him off. after he finished he asked me "what brought that on?"
im confused and say "um... you started it"
"i was asleep, i woke up and you were giving me a blowjob"
"oh..well you wanna finish me off?"
the normal response "nah, im too tired ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"
AWESOME. -_-()

fast forward a year, him and i had recently broken up and i was already secretly seeing someone else. so me and my new fling (i couldnt really consider him a boyfriend) were cuddling in bed, naked, after gettin dirty and we were both falling asleep. my parents werent home, but i expected my mom home at anytime, so i wasnt too alarmed when i heard my bedroom door open. (she's pretty lax about my sex life so i wasnt worried about getting my ass kicked. plus you couldnt tell we were naked under the covers, it just looked like we were taking a nap) so i looked up to greet her... and standing there in my room is MY EX!!! we just stared at each other for a moment, eyes bulging out of our heads. he finally says "can i talk to you downstairs?" i told him i'd meet him downstairs, but he refused to leave the room, so i had to tell him i was naked. he stormed downstairs, and i pulled clothes on. i look over at my fling and the bastards still fast asleep XD
so i went downstairs and a large argument ensued, where he cried and told me he came over to see if it was true, and i demanded why the fuck he's in my house, and then he pretty called me a whore. I then pointed out that if i was such a sex crazed slut, why would i have stayed with HIM for a year? (low blow, yes, but true) in the end i got my house key back and he drove back home butthurt. very awkward. he was a creeper.
and the new guy never even woke up XD

[Rose_Dragon226]

OMG!! my Ex would do that to me all the time!! litterally. I would give him a blow job, he would cum, and then would go back to what ever it was he was doing before hand and not even return the favor, or we would be having sex and he would blow his load as I'm about to cum and he would roll over and go to sleep with out even finishing me off or if I asked him to and on the rare occaision he would agree he would lay there with his eyes closed his hand between my legs barily wiggling his fingers and only be semi- contious. Most of the time I would have to finish the job, I was lucky if he got me off on his own once or twice a month.

God am I ever happy the guy now I'm with is so much better so sweet and considerate. I'm crazy in love with him <3 ^.^

[eclipsedxheart]

heh, over the entire year i dated this guy we had sex four times. he didnt fuck very hard and each time was for about 5-10 mins before he'd get tired and ask me to blow him the rest of the way. I imagine a blow up doll has more enthusiasm in the sack than this guy.
he took my virginity too. i had been saving myself for the right person and we had been dating a while. at the time, in the early stages of our relationship he put SOME effort into returning the favors, so i figured i'd give myself to him, hoping it would add something new and exciting and bring us closer. he made me get on top, and at the time i had no idea what the fuck to do on top XD so then i had to convince him and HE got on top, and thrusted so softly i couldnt really feel anything. after about 2 mins he started complaining he was tired and asked for a blowjob. so i did, and right afterwards he told me i'd better leave before his dad got up for work. nice guy ._.

my master on the other hand.... @o@ just wow. he goes above and beyond in more ways than just sex.