[rant]

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Kitsuneboom
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[rant]

Postby Kitsuneboom » Mon May 24, 2010 9:43 pm

I manage to pick the worst men. Always. The first one forced me at fifteen into having group sex by taking advantage of my low self esteem. The next one was the most epic dead-beat ever, thankfully that didn't last long. Now, this one. He's great. I love him. I'd declare that nationally, if he'd let me. The only thing wrong with him is that he's unemotional and pulls terrible pranks. But he cares, in his own way. Much drama is to be had with this man. He came home recently and started packing his things. Said he thought we should break up. I was devastated, as I had every right to be. This person can't be gone from my life, even if he is just kept on in the capacity of best friend. So, I told him, "I've been expecting this." I had, something had to have been wrong, he was going bi-polar from being super awesome to highly suspicious of me with no apparent cause. I was pissed, and trying to remain calm. I wanted to hurt him, "I guess this is for the best, I'd been thinking about breaking up with you, anyway." I hadn't. Like any girl who's in too deep with a man that can't show care for her or anything else, I'd pondered what life might be like without him. Thinking about it hurts. A life without him wouldn't be much of one at all. Losing your lover and your best friend in one go is not something that I think I'd like to live through again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal. And I know that people can be replaced. But, all of the life building that will be required to feel like a whole being again,it's too much to think about.But, I digress. My point in this and justification for all of this mess now being my fault is that I messaged him earlier today,asked him for a few of my things back. I got a message in return saying that he had just been kidding until I said what I did.That it was just a bad prank that was only funny to him. Said that he was actually planning on asking me to marry him. And now,I've fucked that up. Just like I do every other good thing that happens in my life. I'm prepared to do what ever it takes to fix this. I love this man and I want to commit myself to building a life with him.
I can only hope that he can forgive me.

[/endrant]
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Re: [rant]

Postby Cynbel » Mon May 24, 2010 9:54 pm

Fucking seriously, he did that as a joke, that's not something to joke about.
Last edited by Cynbel on Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"He did not feel any temptation to tell lies to her. It was even a sort of love offering to start off by telling the worst. 'I hated the site of you,' he said. 'I wanted to rape you and then murder you afterwards. Two weeks ago I thought seriously of smashing your head in with a cobblestone. If you really want to know, I imagined that you had something to do with the Thought Police.' The girl laughed delightedly, evidently taking this as a tribute to the excellence of her disguise." - George Orwell's 1984

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Re: [rant]

Postby Kitsuneboom » Mon May 24, 2010 9:56 pm

No, it's not. But he was building it up to something amazing. He had a good reason.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Cynbel » Mon May 24, 2010 9:58 pm

but still he could have done it a bit differently, so it didn't seem so harsh
"He did not feel any temptation to tell lies to her. It was even a sort of love offering to start off by telling the worst. 'I hated the site of you,' he said. 'I wanted to rape you and then murder you afterwards. Two weeks ago I thought seriously of smashing your head in with a cobblestone. If you really want to know, I imagined that you had something to do with the Thought Police.' The girl laughed delightedly, evidently taking this as a tribute to the excellence of her disguise." - George Orwell's 1984

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Re: [rant]

Postby Vysune » Mon May 24, 2010 10:58 pm

Honestly, that was just seriously fucked up on his part. Breaking up with somebody is nothing to joke about. You weren't the one that messed up here, he did. If you're still considering staying with him, you guys need to sit down and have a very long talk about this. You need to let him know what he did was absolutely wrong, and you shouldn't let him take the easy way out of this foolishness by allowing him to blame you for this.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Cammii » Mon May 24, 2010 11:05 pm

Jokes are suppose to be funny, and clearly that wasn't. I would be upset if my boyfriend pulled that. There's a fine line of things that are okay and things that aren't, and I definitely don't think that was an okay thing to do.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Catalina Angel » Mon May 24, 2010 11:20 pm

no this was no joke. He meant to leave. but when you ask for things back he doesnt want to give back, he's doing this to make you feel shitty.

I say get a court order, get your stuff back, and then play your own prank. Tell him to meet you at a nice place. Full of people. Tell him you want to make up. After he is there, txt him and tell him you changed your mind, you dont want anything to do wit him. and that you hope he enjoyed this joke on him. Then change you phone number. simple.

he will be made a fool in a large public place, made to feel the same way as you, and best of all. He will have a little piece of him crushed into dust. I've dated a guy like this. i know the game and im pretty sure, he will never stop this. Even after you would have married him. every other month, he would have told you he wanted a divorce. These people do this to see the look of shock and horror on your face.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Makybe Diva » Tue May 25, 2010 12:56 am

Kitsuneboom wrote: . . . My point in this and justification for all of this mess now being my fault is that I messaged him earlier today, asked him for a few of my things back. I got a message in return saying that he had just been kidding until I said what I did.That it was just a bad prank that was only funny to him. Said that he was actually planning on asking me to marry him. And now, I've fucked that up. Just like I do every other good thing that happens in my life. I'm prepared to do what ever it takes to fix this. I love this man and I want to commit myself to building a life with him. I can only hope that he can forgive me. ...


Please excuse the following response if it seems that I’m being mean to you (I’m not), or that I don’t understand your situation (I do, and was there for decades). But you need a “wake up call” Boom. And as the designated old woman here, I’m going to give it to you... right after some really big hugs. :glomp:

1 - This guy’s behavior IS cruel, thoughtless, deceitful, and manipulative, but it was not - repeat NOT - a joke. No decent person would find this funny. Anyone who does find it funny, is neither decent, nor a person. They’re a beast with no conscience or sympathy for human beings.

2. - You didn't fuck anything up! You responded reasonably to protect yourself in the face of devastating pain. Do not accept the blame for this fiasco. HE started it. HE must carry responsibility for the results of his unspeakable behavior.

3. - What proof do you have that the BS line “he was going to ask you to marry him”, is any more truthful than his original declaration that he wanted to break up with you? Does he have a ring in his pocket? I highly-fucking-doubt-it. Wake up and smell the coffee Boom! He knows your weaknesses. This is just a ploy to punish you for dumping him first when he tried this nasty stunt. People can only make you feel bad about yourself if you cooperate. So dammit, don’t cooperate.

4. - How can you “commit yourself to building a life” with a man who withholds affection (that’s what “unemotional” means honey), and torments you with "terrible pranks"? For gods sake, even Ashton Kutcher doesn't "Punk" his own family. A mature person draws the line somewhere, and makes it stick. This guy either doesn't believe in drawing the line, or thinks it's OK to move it whenever he wants. You can’t “build a life” without a foundation of trust and reliability. No way can you can ever trust or rely on this guy.

5. - Think about this a minute! If a guy did something this terrible to a close girlfriend or relative, would you suggest she go back to him? I don't believe you would - in fact, I’d think you’d be livid at how he treated this woman, and tell her she was well rid of him. You're a kind and decent person Boom, if rather negative about yourself. Why would you tolerate crap from a guy, that you wouldn’t expect a dear friend to put up with? As a veteran of THREE marriages, I can assure you - having a crappy man is NOT better than having no man at all.

6. - Say whatever is necessary, and say it quickly, to get your stuff back. Be sure to take a strong-minded friend with you when you pick up your things! You’ll need a witness and someone to protect you (from yourself as well as him). Then dump this guy for good. After that, instead of looking for a new boyfriend, start searching for a sense of self-worth and self-respect. Without that, this sort of crap will continue happening to you, and you’ll never find genuine peace or love in a relationship.

If professional counseling is not possible for you, there’s got to be an abused women’s group, or women’s outreach center, a rape crisis center (the group sex situation qualifies), or other self-help group available somewhere that can help you work on your issues. Even Al-Anon might help, if alcohol/drugs were involved in the “relationship” you had as a teenager (don’t try saying you had group sex at 15 completely sober). If you can’t find this help by yourself, then call a suicide hotline. They’ve got tons of resources, and you don’t have to be “on the edge” to call them for help finding the resources you need to help yourself.

I guarantee you Boom - if you build your own sense of self-worth and self-respect, and learn to “just say no to assholes”, then boyfriends worth having, will come looking for YOU!
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Re: [rant]

Postby Timbe » Tue May 25, 2010 1:04 am

I'mma have to agree with Makybe. You may love him, but are you willing to live the rest of your life with these sorts of ups and downs? I've had stupid stuff like this happen to me as well, but in the end you may very well be better off without that drama, though it's hard to see that when you're still in love with him.

But eh, what do i know, I'm new here. :rolleyes:

Whatever happens, I hope you're happy, and that things work out for you one way or another. If you're happy with him and can put up with that sorta thing, then there's no reason not to be together. If you can make it work out with him and that's what you want, then go for it, but keep this whole ordeal in mind. ♥
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Re: [rant]

Postby Kitsuneboom » Tue May 25, 2010 7:21 am

No need for that katana shoving. I promise.
I'll not argue with anyone here about it, nor will I ask for advice. I'll simply do what I want anyway despite all of your best intentions. I do thank you all. But really, I just needed to vent. My self esteem is not so bad that I feel I have to be with him. I want to be. I feel that I'm the only person that can help him in this life. He's not easily loved. It takes a particular type of person to do it, and I feel I'm that one. I appreciate all of everyone's concern and support.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Foxfire » Tue May 25, 2010 7:23 am

Makybe says it perfectly. This is not the kind of person you want in your life, no matter how much it hurts and how much you try to rationalise it or explain it away.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Ashendra » Tue May 25, 2010 7:53 am

Yeah, Makybe is 100% there. Personally I think he should see someone, he sounds really bipolar to me
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Makybe Diva
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Re: [rant]

Postby Makybe Diva » Tue May 25, 2010 8:31 am

Kitsuneboom wrote: . . . I appreciate all of everyone's concern and support.


I understand the difference between the need to rant, and a request for advice, but I felt something needed to be said anyway, so I did. But once I've "said my peace", I try not to belabor the point with further argument.

I understand your needs, will not hassle you, regardless of however you decide to handle this situation. As I said before, I think you're a kind and decent person, who is very easy to like. And I DO. So hugs to you at this difficult time.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Kitsuneboom » Tue May 25, 2010 8:36 am

*hugglesnugs*
Thank you Makybe. You're epic for an "old" lady.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Catalina Angel » Tue May 25, 2010 2:47 pm

if you feel you are the one that can turn him around and love him; then i wish you the power to do so. I hope everything works out better for you, than mind did for me.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Quiet269 » Tue May 25, 2010 4:26 pm

You have nothing to "Make up for". Seriously.
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Re: [rant]

Postby Evren » Tue May 25, 2010 4:33 pm

In all honesty.

We only know what we've been told, and what we can think when you tell us what you have.
Only you know him this well, only you can tell him that you didnt like this joke.

Love is blind, and you know, even if he is odd, strange, bi-polar etc, you seem like you still love him.

/ramble
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Kitsuneboom
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Re: [rant]

Postby Kitsuneboom » Tue May 25, 2010 5:00 pm

Evren wrote:FUCKING PROSE. <3

/ramble


Exactly. Thank you Evren.
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Re: [rant]

Postby PINGAS » Tue May 25, 2010 10:48 pm

This reminds me of my ex threatening to hire a hitman on me. It was the event that made me dump him, and he still tried to pin the blame on me.

Try not to blame yourself for this, he's in the wrong here. What he said wasn't funny. Did he ever give reasons on why he was suspicious of you?

Also, because I'm a little confused about how I'd go about this, what should she say (if anything) about saying "I was thinking about breaking up with you anyways?"

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