Awkward moments

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TheGermanMan927
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby TheGermanMan927 » Mon Sep 18, 2017 5:25 pm

One time I was meandering into a bank with my wife at the time. I was letting my mind run free when I saw a little girl running around. "Hey, check out the little carpetmuncher with all her energy.", I chortled to my wife. The resounding slap was enough to stop a Black Bear right in its tracks. "What the heck was that for?!", I screamed as I drew back. "Why would you call that child a carpetmuncher?", asked my astounded wife. I straightened myself and quickly retorted, "It just means little kid! My parents told me that YEARS ago." Flabbergasted my wife just stares at me with this look of utter confusion. She shakes her head and just turns around leaving me very confused. After we take care of our business we return to her car. "Carpetmuncher means going down on a girl doofus.", she calmly tells me. "Bullshit. You're lying to me. There's no way that's what it means.", I reply thinking she's trying to fool me. Sure enough I walk right up the next day to my lesbian coworker. "What does carpetmuncher mean?", I blurt out to her. I'm pretty sure her one eyebrow shot off into space with the look of bewilderment that was shot my way. "Are you serious?", she whispers to me. I nod my head and eagerly await an answer. "That's when....... you're really serious? I just....", my friend struggles for words when suddenly the gay guy leans in and goes, "I think that's when you go down on a lady"
TL:DR I was raised under a rock and now have to live with calling a bunch of random kids carpet munchers.
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Wistala
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Wistala » Tue Sep 19, 2017 7:58 am

TheGermanMan927 wrote:
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Hah, that's awesome. Sometimes these terms just sort of slip right past you, for some reason or another. I've had to explain a few to people who were using them inappropriately, but the first time I made that mistake was actually with 'Netflix and chill'. I hadn't paid any attention to what it actually meant, I thought it just meant to watch Netflix and relax...

So I told a friend who had had a bad weekend to go home and just 'Netflix and chill'. He asked me if I knew what that meant, so I quickly hurry over to urban dictionary, and I quick respond to him with "you've got a hand, don't you?"

Not sure if I saved it, or took too long. hah. DAMN YOU POP CULTURE! WHY MUST YOU CHANGE THE MEANING OF WORDS AND PHRASES SO QUICKLY!?
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Curiosa
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Curiosa » Tue Sep 19, 2017 1:55 pm

Wistala wrote:
TheGermanMan927 wrote:
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Hah, that's awesome. Sometimes these terms just sort of slip right past you, for some reason or another. I've had to explain a few to people who were using them inappropriately, but the first time I made that mistake was actually with 'Netflix and chill'. I hadn't paid any attention to what it actually meant, I thought it just meant to watch Netflix and relax...

So I told a friend who had had a bad weekend to go home and just 'Netflix and chill'. He asked me if I knew what that meant, so I quickly hurry over to urban dictionary, and I quick respond to him with "you've got a hand, don't you?"

Not sure if I saved it, or took too long. hah. DAMN YOU POP CULTURE! WHY MUST YOU CHANGE THE MEANING OF WORDS AND PHRASES SO QUICKLY!?


Omilawd, this reminds me of a similar incident. My electrical classes had a couple of older guys- the friendlier one hung out with the younger guys but was still picking up on slang. One instance the teacher admitted that he didn't plan for us to get past the material that day and the older student mentioned that we could all burn time until the next class by 'Netflix and Chilling' and got confused when everyone in the class got super uncomfortable. We had to explain to him what it meant and hilarity ensued. :stick:
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TheGermanMan927
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby TheGermanMan927 » Tue Sep 19, 2017 4:12 pm

Curiosa wrote:
Hah, that's awesome. Sometimes these terms just sort of slip right past you, for some reason or another. I've had to explain a few to people who were using them inappropriately, but the first time I made that mistake was actually with 'Netflix and chill'. I hadn't paid any attention to what it actually meant, I thought it just meant to watch Netflix and relax...

So I told a friend who had had a bad weekend to go home and just 'Netflix and chill'. He asked me if I knew what that meant, so I quickly hurry over to urban dictionary, and I quick respond to him with "you've got a hand, don't you?"

Not sure if I saved it, or took too long. hah. DAMN YOU POP CULTURE! WHY MUST YOU CHANGE THE MEANING OF WORDS AND PHRASES SO QUICKLY!?

XD I've never mistaken that one yet! Carpetmuncher was probably my worst that I remember. I do remember my buddy having to explain Doughnut Bumpers to me though. That was right in the middle of a church too which made it hilarious to me.

Wistala wrote:Omilawd, this reminds me of a similar incident. My electrical classes had a couple of older guys- the friendlier one hung out with the younger guys but was still picking up on slang. One instance the teacher admitted that he didn't plan for us to get past the material that day and the older student mentioned that we could all burn time until the next class by 'Netflix and Chilling' and got confused when everyone in the class got super uncomfortable. We had to explain to him what it meant and hilarity ensued. :stick:

LOL Those are the greatest situations in my opinion to make more awkward by feigning ignorance. Just play along and make everyone more uncomfortable or say something completely random. That or starting up random hypotheticals. I've got a unique reputation now because of it.
"Cheer up", the boss said, "Things could be worse!"
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Tempest » Fri Sep 22, 2017 1:41 pm

TheGermanMan927 wrote:One time I was meandering into a bank with my wife at the time. I was letting my mind run free when I saw a little girl running around. "Hey, check out the little carpetmuncher with all her energy.", I chortled to my wife. The resounding slap was enough to stop a Black Bear right in its tracks. "What the heck was that for?!", I screamed as I drew back. "Why would you call that child a carpetmuncher?", asked my astounded wife. I straightened myself and quickly retorted, "It just means little kid! My parents told me that YEARS ago." Flabbergasted my wife just stares at me with this look of utter confusion. She shakes her head and just turns around leaving me very confused. After we take care of our business we return to her car. "Carpetmuncher means going down on a girl doofus.", she calmly tells me. "Bullshit. You're lying to me. There's no way that's what it means.", I reply thinking she's trying to fool me. Sure enough I walk right up the next day to my lesbian coworker. "What does carpetmuncher mean?", I blurt out to her. I'm pretty sure her one eyebrow shot off into space with the look of bewilderment that was shot my way. "Are you serious?", she whispers to me. I nod my head and eagerly await an answer. "That's when....... you're really serious? I just....", my friend struggles for words when suddenly the gay guy leans in and goes, "I think that's when you go down on a lady"
TL:DR I was raised under a rock and now have to live with calling a bunch of random kids carpet munchers.

see the first thing I thought on reading this was "this is why parents shouldn't lie to their kids about what naughty words mean"
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TheGermanMan927
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby TheGermanMan927 » Sat Sep 23, 2017 7:08 am

Tempest wrote:see the first thing I thought on reading this was "this is why parents shouldn't lie to their kids about what naughty words mean"

This is exactly why I don't lie to my daughter. Especially about this kind of thing. If it's something like this I tell her that I'll tell her when she's older. Mind you she's 8 and I'd like her to keep some of her innocence for a while. I already had to explain to her that it took me and her mother to make her. That was a fun phone call from my ex-wife.
"Cheer up", the boss said, "Things could be worse!"
So sure enough I cheered up and things got worse.
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Slaanesh » Sat Sep 23, 2017 8:39 pm

Fruityrumpusasshole wrote:
Slaanesh wrote:
Fruityrumpusasshole wrote:
DILDOS
IN PAJAMAS
ARE ROLLING DOWN THE STAIRSSSS :misc1: :laugh:

At least they were all in baggies! I mean it wouldn't take a genius to figure out what they were but OMG :laugh:


YESSSSSSSSS :laugh: :laugh: When I had just washed my Wind Eggs from AKN one of them decided to make a break for it and went flying down the stairs! I pretty much flew down the stairs much to the dismay of my ankles and effectively body slammed the radiator at the bottom of the stairs! :misc6: :bugeyed: I caught the egg just fine but sometimes I wish my body didn't think faster than my brain XD :widesmile:


LOOL
Tbh, I wish my house had stairs because I'd love to dump all my dicks and watch them just fucking fly down the stairs. 'Specially my Chances. That must look spectacular :laugh:


Don't tempt me!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh god I'd have to spend the rest of the day getting all the cat hair off of them! :widesmile:
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Slaanesh » Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:14 pm

Fruityrumpusasshole wrote:
Slaanesh wrote:
Fruityrumpusasshole wrote:
LOOL
Tbh, I wish my house had stairs because I'd love to dump all my dicks and watch them just fucking fly down the stairs. 'Specially my Chances. That must look spectacular :laugh:


Don't tempt me!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh god I'd have to spend the rest of the day getting all the cat hair off of them! :widesmile:


ok , ok but imagine the slow motion??? :misc1: :laugh: :laugh:


It'd be like those slow motion videos of puppies racing around and tumbling over! :laugh:
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Dracon Ra
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Dracon Ra » Mon Sep 25, 2017 3:38 pm

I use my Varka mainly for pressure stim, as in I like to hold it, while watching tv or surfing the net.
So I brought it with me, as I’ve spent a few weeks at my parents place.
When I’m there, I’ll spent my time lying on my bed, with my laptop. And that is where I left my Varka one day, as I left to pick up my Mom. I’ll be back in an hour, right?
Wrong…. While waiting for my Mom, I walked my dogs for a bit and managed to step on an edge and break a leg. Thus, I wasn’t able to climb the stairs to my room and had to stay on the floor below in my Fathers room. (he was in the hospital at that time, we took turns…) And for the next few weeks, the Varka lay there, openly on the bed in my paren’ts guestroom… My Mom’s computer is there, so she saw it.

As the weeks went by, I got annoyed and did what I always do, buy more dicks. And yes, I’ve had them sent to my parents. After my large Blaze arrived, I’ve put it into a corner behind the bed, still in the plastic wrapping, so my Mom wouldn’t accidentally stumble over it.
Well, I should have known my Mom’s need to clean after me… “Oh, that doesn’t belong on the floor!” So one day I came back to find it in the cupboard. *sigh*

After that, I just opened my packages on the kitchen table, with my Mom sitting there. :stick:
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Tempest » Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:32 pm

Dracon Ra wrote:I use my Varka mainly for pressure stim, as in I like to hold it, while watching tv or surfing the net.
So I brought it with me, as I’ve spent a few weeks at my parents place.
When I’m there, I’ll spent my time lying on my bed, with my laptop. And that is where I left my Varka one day, as I left to pick up my Mom. I’ll be back in an hour, right?
Wrong…. While waiting for my Mom, I walked my dogs for a bit and managed to step on an edge and break a leg. Thus, I wasn’t able to climb the stairs to my room and had to stay on the floor below in my Fathers room. (he was in the hospital at that time, we took turns…) And for the next few weeks, the Varka lay there, openly on the bed in my paren’ts guestroom… My Mom’s computer is there, so she saw it.

As the weeks went by, I got annoyed and did what I always do, buy more dicks. And yes, I’ve had them sent to my parents. After my large Blaze arrived, I’ve put it into a corner behind the bed, still in the plastic wrapping, so my Mom wouldn’t accidentally stumble over it.
Well, I should have known my Mom’s need to clean after me… “Oh, that doesn’t belong on the floor!” So one day I came back to find it in the cupboard. *sigh*

After that, I just opened my packages on the kitchen table, with my Mom sitting there. :stick:

This is an amazing story. Hope you are doing better now!!
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Dracon Ra
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Dracon Ra » Tue Sep 26, 2017 12:56 am

Tempest wrote:This is an amazing story. Hope you are doing better now!!


Yes, much better, thank you!

It was in the end of March, and by now I am rid of the crutches and can climb stairs again, thus get into my own place.

But I think, I'll throw my next Bad Dragon order right into the trunk of my car and keep it closed until I'm home, I won't explain her a large Chance flared...
(still spents half the week at the parents and so it's easier to have all the packeges send there)
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Scorpio » Sat Nov 11, 2017 1:50 pm

The feeling of knowing that somewhere in the appartment, there's a Bad Drasgon Pride sticker. Forgot where you put it and you're going to have the apartment full of guests tomorow... (thankfully I did find it.)
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby shirayuki » Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:18 am

Never thought I'd have a good story since I live alone but I went on vacation for about two weeks and had cleaned my toys and left them to dry on towels in the bathroom. We're talking an XL Chance, Crackers, Sleipnir, Cole, Axel, Flint and some other smaller toys out on full display once you open the door.
I get back home to find a notice to enter residence for routine inspection sitting on my kitchen counter and my bathroom door cracked open when I know for a fact I had it closed before I left.
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Pasdebol » Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:47 am

shirayuki wrote:Never thought I'd have a good story since I live alone but I went on vacation for about two weeks and had cleaned my toys and left them to dry on towels in the bathroom. We're talking an XL Chance, Crackers, Sleipnir, Cole, Axel, Flint and some other smaller toys out on full display once you open the door.
I get back home to find a notice to enter residence for routine inspection sitting on my kitchen counter and my bathroom door cracked open when I know for a fact I had it closed before I left.

They have to leave you a notice they'll soon check the counter, so before and not after! :angry:
It's a privacy violation.
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Lipton
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Lipton » Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:53 am

Pasdebol wrote:
shirayuki wrote:Never thought I'd have a good story since I live alone but I went on vacation for about two weeks and had cleaned my toys and left them to dry on towels in the bathroom. We're talking an XL Chance, Crackers, Sleipnir, Cole, Axel, Flint and some other smaller toys out on full display once you open the door.
I get back home to find a notice to enter residence for routine inspection sitting on my kitchen counter and my bathroom door cracked open when I know for a fact I had it closed before I left.

They have to leave you a notice they'll soon check the counter, so before and not after! :angry:
It's a privacy violation.


Is that a common thing? Like in germany landlords are not even allowed to have keys to your apartment, if they wanna check something they have to inform you and you have to be with them when they want to check something, so they are never alone in your apartment. (In fact they can have keys if you allow it in case of an emergency, they are not allowed to enter the apartment without you though)
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby shirayuki » Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:07 am

They typically post them to my door but I was out of town when they put out the notice (on the 28th)
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Eleka
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Eleka » Wed Jan 03, 2018 4:48 pm

My awkward moments are nowhere near as entertaining as many in this thread, but I do have a repeatedly awkward moment every single time I post one of the toys I've sold (I've sold 17 thus far). As a matter of course the Post Office staff in the UK ask about the contents of the parcel whenever you post anything, so I need to think up something to say other than "the parcel contains a large dragon dildo".

I used to say "the parcel contains a sculpture", as this is how Bad Dragon describe the toys, but then one of the more friendly Post Office staff asked if I were an artist and for some reason I said "no, I'm not an artist but my sister is and I'm selling the sculpture on her behalf." This led to further questions about the nature of my sister's artwork, so I came up with a random story about her creating ceramic animal sculptures that she sells via Etsy, which seemed to satisfy the person's curiosity. However, I didn't really want to maintain that pretense so I now no longer send parcels via that Post Office in case I get served by the same person.

My new line is "the parcel contains a figurine" as most Post Office staff don't seem know or care what a figurine is. When they do ask, I say "it's a figurine of a video game character" as I look like a bit like the sort of uncool person who might be into collecting video game characters. Also, I sometimes blush a bit when they ask about the contents of the parcel, so it makes for a really good answer as presumably they think I'm embarrassed about being a 30 something year old who collects video game sculptures, and don't know I'm actually a 30 something year old who is embarrassed about sending dragon dildos through the post. However, once again I've been forced to embellish my story after striking up a conversation with another chatty Post Office worker that went something along the line of:

PO worker: "can I ask for security purposes what's in the parcel"
Me: "Yes, it contains a figurine"
PO worker: a figurine?
Me: "It's like a sculpture... it's a model of a video game character"
PO worker: "Oh, so it's a toy?"
Me: "Well, it's more like a collectors item really. I used to collect figurines of video game characters, but I'm getting a bit old for that now so I'm selling them all via eBay".
PO worker: "Is it a World of Warcraft figurine? My son spends hours playing that game, I wish he'd grow out of it".
Me: "Haha, no, it's not World of Warcraft but I know that's a super addictive game. I've not played it myself. It's a sculpture from a game called Mass Effect.
PO worked: "I've not heard of it"
Me: "It's a sci-fi game"
PO worker: [looks apprehensive that I may start talking to her about a sci-fi video game] "OK, that'll be £12.50 to post the parcel to Germany by the tracked & signed service..."
Me: [feels relieved I've yet again managed to send a dragon dildo through the post without rousing suspicion of my deviancy]

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Pasdebol
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Pasdebol » Thu Jan 04, 2018 2:17 am

Eleka wrote:... As a matter of course the Post Office staff in the UK ask about the contents of the parcel whenever you post anything, so I need to think up something to say other than "the parcel contains a large dragon dildo"...
I've never been asked what was the content of a package.
They're strange in UK :surprised:
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Eleka
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby Eleka » Thu Jan 04, 2018 3:16 pm

Pasdebol wrote:I've never been asked what was the content of a package.
They're strange in UK :surprised:

Haha, yes, I'd agree with you there.
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thesharkwhisperer
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Re: Awkward moments

Postby thesharkwhisperer » Sat Jan 06, 2018 8:06 am

My mother once saw my lifecast Shane from EE and said "that's crazy realistic. It looks pretty much like your father did" and..I didn't need to know that, mom, holy shit :psyduck:
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