How did your partners react?

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Dorito
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How did your partners react?

Postby Dorito » Sat Aug 19, 2017 1:57 am

I'm especially wondering this about women who have larger toys and ended up with male partners who maybe weren't familiar with Bad Dragon and the like? How did they react when they found out/saw your toys for the first time?

I ask because I'm probably going to try dating again at some point in the near future, and this honestly has me really, really nervous. :sniffing:
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby roseypearl » Sat Aug 19, 2017 12:58 pm

I haven't really dated anyone since I've gotten my toys, and haven't dated much in general lol. I think as long as they weren't hardcore vanilla they should be okay with it, and if they're intimidated by the size I'd be able to calm them down about that. Although I am on a different website where I do have pictures of my toys, and I ended up having several guys message me about actual dog beastiality. But I just blocked them and put up a tidbit in my bio that made it very clear that I was not okay with that and to not contact me about such things, and I haven't had anymore messages regarding that. Thinking about it, I could see a partner maybe assuming that about someone who owned more realistic designs, but I think shutting that idea down really quick would (hopefully) dispel those beliefs and they'd be fine.
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iwikiwi
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby iwikiwi » Sat Aug 19, 2017 1:16 pm

He suggested to get one in the first place when I told him. He's really kinky himself.
I guess you don't have to worry about ignorant people. Those who start ranting "why would you need a toy when having a partner" or something about your fantasies are not worth it, I agree to the opinion above. It's just a different experience and it's pointless to be ashamed of desire to experience something new. Nothing to be ashamed of I think.
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katze
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby katze » Sat Aug 19, 2017 1:37 pm

Hi, woman with kinda large toys who ended up with a male partner here lmao.

We were friends for years before we started dating and basically all my friends know about my dildos. He never said anything negative about it, and recently told me when I showed him a dildo I might get that if I like it he likes it. He's really cool with everything.
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vixenvega
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby vixenvega » Sat Aug 19, 2017 2:09 pm

Hiya!
Female here with big toys and a cis male partner. I had the dude before the toys but...
He's never had a problem with toys, he bought me my first dildo years and years ago (a horrible toxic thing before we knew better). When I found Bad Dragon and started really buying some unusual toys there was no issue. I started with smalls and as I worked my self up to larges and XLs there was no comment and still no problem. I have to say that really the only thing other than my own reflected enthusiasm that he ever expressed was some concern over the larger ones when I first got them. Not that he'd be less than, or that I'd like them more, but he was worried I might accidentally hurt myself. Or that he'd hurt me using them on me.
We both enjoy my toys. I enjoy them alone and he enjoys watching me and using them on me. They're fun and a great addition. I feel like this is proper.
If it had been an issue for him, I would have, of course, recognized his feelings and discussed it. He's a good man and I wouldn't throw him over because of dildos, but I also would not get rid of my toys or keep them smaller because I enjoy them. It would just be something that was only mine rather than ours.
However, if this were a new dude that I didn't have a life built with, depending on how that conversation went I could possibly bail. I don't have the patience for anyone insecure enough about themselves to throw a fit over sex toys.
Disliking it and not being into it is fine. Being disrespectful, mocking, or an asshole about it is not.
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katze
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby katze » Sat Aug 19, 2017 3:20 pm

vixenvega wrote: I don't have the patience for anyone insecure enough about themselves to throw a fit over sex toys.
Disliking it and not being into it is fine. Being disrespectful, mocking, or an asshole about it is not.


This!!!
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Dorito
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Dorito » Sat Aug 19, 2017 10:14 pm

Thank you so much, everyone! :widesmile:

Yeah, I think if they were to be hateful or immature about it, that would be a sign to get out. It just feels tough sometimes that the sex positive communities I'm in online aren't necessarily a reflection of how most people are in real life, and sex toys aren't typically first date conversation material, so like... it would suck to get attached to someone, only to find out the toys are a problem for them. :eyeroll:

The fact that many of you have found partners that not only don't mind them, but like them, too, gives me some hope. :blush:
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Slaanesh » Sat Aug 19, 2017 10:30 pm

Dorito wrote:Thank you so much, everyone! :widesmile:

Yeah, I think if they were to be hateful or immature about it, that would be a sign to get out. It just feels tough sometimes that the sex positive communities I'm in online aren't necessarily a reflection of how most people are in real life, and sex toys aren't typically first date conversation material, so like... it would suck to get attached to someone, only to find out the toys are a problem for them. :eyeroll:

The fact that many of you have found partners that not only don't mind them, but like them, too, gives me some hope. :blush:


Have hope! I've always innately been fine with all sex related things since I first knew what it all was! The way I see it, if it's not hurting you, anyone else, or the environment - go for it! :laugh:

There's a really good community on these forums, and I know that it's helped many, many people feel comfortable in their own skin, and people do all they can to help each other out!

Echoing what the others have said - if they act all immature and judgemental at you having toys, tell them to do one! :doh: It's to each their own, and if they can't act like a grown adult when it comes to intimate matters, they're really not worth your time. :unamused:

If you need any more help feel free to speak up - I'm sure we'll all help build your confidence *hugs* :smilenox:
Dorito
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Dorito » Sat Aug 19, 2017 10:45 pm

Slaanesh wrote:Have hope! I've always innately been fine with all sex related things since I first knew what it all was! The way I see it, if it's not hurting you, anyone else, or the environment - go for it! :laugh:

There's a really good community on these forums, and I know that it's helped many, many people feel comfortable in their own skin, and people do all they can to help each other out!

Echoing what the others have said - if they act all immature and judgemental at you having toys, tell them to do one! :doh: It's to each their own, and if they can't act like a grown adult when it comes to intimate matters, they're really not worth your time. :unamused:

If you need any more help feel free to speak up - I'm sure we'll all help build your confidence *hugs* :smilenox:


Aww, thank you! I feel a little silly, but I have a few toys that didn't work out for me that I still hold onto, partly because they're pretty and/or customs, but also because I'm kind of hoping that maybe I'll end up with a guy that likes being pegged sometimes, or just likes using insertables himself. That would just be like a really awesome icing on the cake, though; as long as they don't have a problem with my toys and we have an otherwise fulfilling sex life, it's by no means a requirement. :stick:
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Slaanesh » Sat Aug 19, 2017 10:57 pm

Dorito wrote:
Slaanesh wrote:Have hope! I've always innately been fine with all sex related things since I first knew what it all was! The way I see it, if it's not hurting you, anyone else, or the environment - go for it! :laugh:

There's a really good community on these forums, and I know that it's helped many, many people feel comfortable in their own skin, and people do all they can to help each other out!

Echoing what the others have said - if they act all immature and judgemental at you having toys, tell them to do one! :doh: It's to each their own, and if they can't act like a grown adult when it comes to intimate matters, they're really not worth your time. :unamused:

If you need any more help feel free to speak up - I'm sure we'll all help build your confidence *hugs* :smilenox:


Aww, thank you! I feel a little silly, but I have a few toys that didn't work out for me that I still hold onto, partly because they're pretty and/or customs, but also because I'm kind of hoping that maybe I'll end up with a guy that likes being pegged sometimes, or just likes using insertables himself. That would just be like a really awesome icing on the cake, though; as long as they don't have a problem with my toys and we have an otherwise fulfilling sex life, it's by no means a requirement. :stick:


Oh man getting rid of a pretty toy feels like murder to me, no matter how much it doesn't work! XD

And my boyfriend is very interested in my toys and enjoys the idea of being pegged, which is really nice as I've helped him open up to all this stuff and he feels much more confident now :smilenox: Sometimes just having someone close to talk about this kinda thing with really helps - he even wants to try out my new toys!
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Fae Fantase » Sat Aug 19, 2017 11:20 pm

Current lover is male. He wasn't thrilled. Mostly about the amount of them. Majority of my male friends wouldn't be ok with their girls owning dildos/toys bigger than them :mystery:. Some get real extreme over fantasy toys. Assuming the toys mean we're into/will be into illegal stuff :eyeroll:. Some places/people are more progressive.
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Dorito » Sun Aug 20, 2017 12:47 am

lovelyscales wrote:Current lover is male. He wasn't thrilled. Mostly about the amount of them. Majority of my male friends wouldn't be ok with their girls owning dildos/toys bigger than them :mystery:. Some get real extreme over fantasy toys. Assuming the toys mean we're into/will be into illegal stuff :eyeroll:. Some places/people are more progressive.


^This is what I'm afraid of. I've heard a lot of men feel somehow threatened by them, which I never really understood? Silicone is great and all, but it's not a person or a replacement for one. As long as he paid attention to me, I wouldn't care if my hypothetical SO had a bunch of penatrables. :bugeyed: (Actually, I'd be more likely to geek out over them and glad to finally have an excuse to get some pretty custom ones! :laugh: )
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby iwikiwi » Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:11 am

Dorito wrote:
lovelyscales wrote:Current lover is male. He wasn't thrilled. Mostly about the amount of them. Majority of my male friends wouldn't be ok with their girls owning dildos/toys bigger than them :mystery:. Some get real extreme over fantasy toys. Assuming the toys mean we're into/will be into illegal stuff :eyeroll:. Some places/people are more progressive.


^This is what I'm afraid of. I've heard a lot of men feel somehow threatened by them, which I never really understood? Silicone is great and all, but it's not a person or a replacement for one. As long as he paid attention to me, I wouldn't care if my hypothetical SO had a bunch of penatrables. :bugeyed: (Actually, I'd be more likely to geek out over them and glad to finally have an excuse to get some pretty custom ones! :laugh: )


It's a weird thing really. Same as when girls throw a fit over their partner watching adult movies or masturbating. And vise versa. Saw a post where a girl complained that a guy had walked in when she played with the shower and she felt ashamed as if she has been cheating lol. But she said "on the other hand, it's personal?". And some people even started speaking about something along the lines of "yeah then cheat on him it'll be personal too!!!!". Lol, I just guess they're not worth anyone's time and if they choose to be ignorant and doing boring sex with no variety...then ok. Sorry for a weird story, I just remembered it. People can throw a fit for no reason :laugh:

Also wanted to add about "toys are not a first date topic". Maybe, but you could somehow discuss what you expect there if you go any further. My partner actually brought it up on the first date, which made me feel a bit weird but then I got it. He just wanted to make sure I won't run away screaming when he said "BDSM" because he had had issues already. It wasn't a weird sexual talk, just mentioning "are you ok with kinky stuff which is safe, consensual and legal". That helped a lot, also helped me to come out about my kinks later.
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Futa Princess
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Futa Princess » Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:22 am

lovelyscales wrote:Current lover is male. He wasn't thrilled. Mostly about the amount of them. Majority of my male friends wouldn't be ok with their girls owning dildos/toys bigger than them :mystery:. Some get real extreme over fantasy toys. Assuming the toys mean we're into/will be into illegal stuff :eyeroll:. Some places/people are more progressive.


I really hate this mindset, tho at first for a little my bf was put off about the sizes he quickly got over it after seeing me use some and makes requests on what one I should use on cam with him.

But as a whole its hard talking to sexual people about "fantasy" dildos cause most are all like "You have dog dildos? so that mean you'd like to have a dog fuck you? I know someone who lets their dog fuck girls on request" wtf... and don't get me started on horse dildos..."You have horse dildos? so you wanna get fucked by a real horse sometime?" NO! I am so sick of "if you have animal dildos that means you wanna fuck real animals!" or look at you like a freak cause you don't use those gross as hell jelly toys or "normal toys" fuck off :unamused:

Sorry about rambling, just wanted that off my chest :surprised:

And also what bugs me tho I'm not a male is the whole "If you like it in the ass ur a faggot" or "If I get a dildo in my ass it'll make me turn gay!" so freaking insecure, bitch if you think silicone going in your booty hole makes you gay then buddy you are so far in the closet that you are inside the air duct.

(the "you"s are not directed to anyone here but at the people with such mindsets)
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Akanisen » Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:29 am

Futa Princess wrote:bitch if you think silicone going in your booty hole makes you gay then buddy you are so far in the closet that you are inside the air duct.

This made me laugh way to hard XD :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

And just for the sake of keeping on topic. I don't really have a 'partner' per se, as being demi that isn't something that comes easily and when it does it's s bit more complicated than most. But every master/pet etc. I've had I've meet through the forums so we meet the toys before we meet each other XD
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Dorito » Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:36 am

iwikiwi wrote:It's a weird thing really. Same as when girls throw a fit over their partner watching adult movies or masturbating. And vise versa. Saw a post where a girl complained that a guy had walked in when she played with the shower and she felt ashamed as if she has been cheating lol. But she said "on the other hand, it's personal?". And some people even started speaking about something along the lines of "yeah then cheat on him it'll be personal too!!!!". Lol, I just guess they're not worth anyone's time and if they choose to be ignorant and doing boring sex with no variety...then ok. Sorry for a weird story, I just remembered it. People can throw a fit for no reason :laugh:

Also wanted to add about "toys are not a first date topic". Maybe, but you could somehow discuss what you expect there if you go any further. My partner actually brought it up on the first date, which made me feel a bit weird but then I got it. He just wanted to make sure I won't run away screaming when he said "BDSM" because he had had issues already. It wasn't a weird sexual talk, just mentioning "are you ok with kinky stuff which is safe, consensual and legal". That helped a lot, also helped me to come out about my kinks later.


Yeah! I could see it if they were actually communicating with the person in the videos or something, that's about the one instance where I could understand people not being okay with it when you're in a monogamous relationship (myself included honestly, but again, everyone's different) and that should probably be talked about beforehand, but just watching porn? MASTURBATING?! I'm pretty sure almost everyone does that! :psyduck:

I think it would be nice if there were non awkward/socially acceptable ways to go about that that don't make the other person uncomfortable, or seem like you're trying to initiate something sexual with them right then and there, just a 'by the way, I'm into ____, so if that's a problem we probably won't work out'. type thing.

The weird part is, I'm actually pretty "vanilla" other than my toy collection, which I guess kind of makes me not vanilla, but like... I'm not personally into BDSM or other extreme stuff, I just love toys and think it would be nice to incorporate them into a partnered sex life.
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Dorito » Sun Aug 20, 2017 2:57 am

Futa Princess wrote:
I really hate this mindset, tho at first for a little my bf was put off about the sizes he quickly got over it after seeing me use some and makes requests on what one I should use on cam with him.

But as a whole its hard talking to sexual people about "fantasy" dildos cause most are all like "You have dog dildos? so that mean you'd like to have a dog fuck you? I know someone who lets their dog fuck girls on request" wtf... and don't get me started on horse dildos..."You have horse dildos? so you wanna get fucked by a real horse sometime?" NO! I am so sick of "if you have animal dildos that means you wanna fuck real animals!" or look at you like a freak cause you don't use those gross as hell jelly toys or "normal toys" fuck off :unamused:

Sorry about rambling, just wanted that off my chest :surprised:

And also what bugs me tho I'm not a male is the whole "If you like it in the ass ur a faggot" or "If I get a dildo in my ass it'll make me turn gay!" so freaking insecure, bitch if you think silicone going in your booty hole makes you gay then buddy you are so far in the closet that you are inside the air duct.

(the "you"s are not directed to anyone here but at the people with such mindsets)


That's a worry of mine, too. I have a Chance and might be getting a Razor at some point. I also have pets that I love like my own children; I would NEVER involve actual animals in any kind of sexual act and am 100% NOT okay with people doing that to real animals or children. For me personally, even in fantasy, I always associate my toys with fantasy creatures like aliens, anthros or monsters. Most aren't even colored realistically, but I know some, particularly the equine and canine inspired models, are still more than enough to make a lot of people uncomfortable, and that's where their mind goes. :doh:

AND YES, THE IN YOUR BUTT MAKES YOU GAY THING DRIVES. ME. CRAZY. :angry: I'm sorry, having a prostate makes you gay HOW? I also really don't like the tone it tends to be used in when guys do say that; even when it's not explicitly stated, I always get vaguely homophobic vibes from it. :unamused:
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Dorito » Sun Aug 20, 2017 3:04 am

Akanisen wrote:
Futa Princess wrote:bitch if you think silicone going in your booty hole makes you gay then buddy you are so far in the closet that you are inside the air duct.

This made me laugh way to hard XD :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

And just for the sake of keeping on topic. I don't really have a 'partner' per se, as being demi that isn't something that comes easily and when it does it's s bit more complicated than most. But every master/pet etc. I've had I've meet through the forums so we meet the toys before we meet each other XD


Yay! Fellow demi person! :nomnom:

Actually, being demi kind of adds another layer of difficulty to this whole thing. I can't just have casual sexual relationships; I need to invest significant time into knowing someone before things become sexual, so it's especially frustrating/heartbreaking if they turn out to be incompatible. :doh:
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Akanisen » Sun Aug 20, 2017 3:09 am

Dorito wrote:Yay! Fellow demi person! :nomnom:

Actually, being demi kind of adds another layer of difficulty to this whole thing. I can't just have casual sexual relationships; I need to invest significant time into knowing someone before things become sexual, so it's especially frustrating/heartbreaking if they turn out to be incompatible. :doh:

Yay someone else who knows this weird hell/blessing! XD I've already posted over here what type of purgatory being demiromantic is viewtopic.php?f=21&t=46705&start=240

I'm not demisexual though (I wanna say thank goodness, but romance is so far from sexuality for me I couldn't even imagine what demisexual feels like so idk how I'd feel about it if I were :bugeyed: ). I am Pan(Homo-leaning)sexual and casual sex is 100% a-ok with me.
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Re: How did your partners react?

Postby Dorito » Sun Aug 20, 2017 3:25 am

Akanisen wrote:
Dorito wrote:Yay! Fellow demi person! :nomnom:

Actually, being demi kind of adds another layer of difficulty to this whole thing. I can't just have casual sexual relationships; I need to invest significant time into knowing someone before things become sexual, so it's especially frustrating/heartbreaking if they turn out to be incompatible. :doh:

Yay someone else who knows this weird hell/blessing! XD I've already posted over here what type of purgatory being demiromantic is viewtopic.php?f=21&t=46705&start=240

I'm not demisexual though (I wanna say thank goodness, but romance is so far from sexuality for me I couldn't even imagine what demisexual feels like so idk how I'd feel about it if I were :bugeyed: ). I am Pan(Homo-leaning)sexual and casual sex is 100% a-ok with me.


Oooh. Yeah, I'm demisexual. I think my worst fear is that someone I really like will lose interest before I feel comfortable enough to become sexual with them. I know waiting five years to shag isn't the norm, and I'm willing to try to compromise (maybe more like five months) but it just seems like everyone is either having sex on their first meeting, or after meeting just a few times. There's nothing wrong with it if that's your thing, but with so many other people readily available, I feel like no one will be patient enough to stick around. :crying:

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