Dorito wrote:I'm especially wondering this about women who have larger toys and ended up with male partners who maybe weren't familiar with Bad Dragon and the like? How did they react when they found out/saw your toys for the first time?
I'm... not female. My male partners have always been fascinated with my toys. My female partners, on the other hand, have been more satisfied to know that I have them, are glad I get a lot of pleasure and utility out of them, but for the most part they're not interested in playing with them. They're are all the "we like your
dick" side of size spectrum, so my toys (which start with a Medium Flint and Sleipnir) may as well be fire hydrants for all that they're toys they want to play with.
lovelyscales wrote:Current lover is male. He wasn't thrilled. Mostly about the amount of them. Majority of my male friends wouldn't be ok with their girls owning dildos/toys bigger than them . Some get real extreme over fantasy toys. Assuming the toys mean we're into/will be into illegal stuff . Some places/people are more progressive.
So weird! Yeah, my life partner of 28 years is mostly "You have 20 dildos! How much dick does your ass need
?" She says it with gentle mockery and I think she's mostly concerned with just how much space they take up in the under-bed hideaway boxes (I have four large boot boxes from The Container Store for them, and they're all overflowing!), as well as the general cost (XL toys aren't cheap). I think she and Cenwen's hubby are a matched pair.
(The answer is: all of them, sweetheart. My ass needs all the dick.)
The "illegal stuff" thing is super strange. I don't get that at all. What makes people think that? Have they ever told you what kinds of "illegal stuff" thy fear you'll get into because you own dragon dick?
Futa Princess wrote: As a whole its hard talking to sexual people about "fantasy" dildos. Don't get me started on horse dildos..."You have horse dildos? so you wanna get fucked by a real horse sometime?"
Come the great sexbot revolution, my multiphasic centaur sex droids with detachable accompaniments and fully capable "take you to your limits" medical sensors will make milllllions of dollars! No, I don't want to bang a horse. Equinoid sexbots, on the other hand...
Futa Princess wrote:A lso what bugs me tho I'm not a male is the whole "If you like it in the ass ur a faggot" or "If I get a dildo in my ass it'll make me turn gay!" so freaking insecure
Fuck, yes. As a father of two, the sheer overwhelming "masculinity so fragile" bullshit just saddens the hell out of me. I just saw a store that sells home-bathroom urinals for potty-training boys "to pee the man way," and I was just... WTF? WTF already?
Hoofs_N_Horns wrote:So part of me thinks "hiding the collection is best", but then another part thinks "if they can't accept that part of who I am, they aren't for me". But it kinda sucks to lose someone special over silicone. And if I didn't tell them outright, how long would I wait, what's the appropriate timing. Decisions, decisions.
I can't emphasize this enough. Tell them
. If you don't, when they find out (and they will find out), you'll be branded as a liar about something very intimate and erotic, and they will never trust you in the bedroom again.
This is the thing that drives me absolutely fucking nuts about "nice guys," especially in furry fandom. They collect craptons of erotic art, and they masturbate to porn, and they lie about it
by telling potential dates that they're "nice guys" who "don't get off to porn" or who "don't look at very much." Both men and women can pick up someone who lies about their sexual interests in a heartbeat. It's like wearing a huge neon sign: I lie about sex.
Fuck, look at me. I'm 51, soft in the middle and with gray hair. I don't think I'm particularly handsome. But I have never had a problem with filling my calendar with sex partners, and I attribute that to one major thing: I have never lied about what I'm into. I'm bisexual, I'm into bondage, extreme insertions, fisting and flogging. I have fucking met Goatse.
And yet even my completely vanilla partners are comfortable, because I like them
, and I like sex
, and once they were comfortable with the notion that I didn't need anything more than their attention to enjoy mysself, they were comfortable with me.
Sorry, but that "I don't know if I should tell them" stuff really bugs me. Yes, you should. You should be honest about what you're into, and what you want. Maybe not on the first date, but we have to be honest: we are all
a little weird. We are all
a little neurotic. The other person isn't a perfect angel sent down from heaven. He or she has their own wants and sexual desires, and they
think those desires are probably a little weird. Be compassionate and kind to them, be honest, and admit your own vulnerability and misgivings in this arena, and you'll have a lot
more success. Yes, you might chase away a few shallow people, but you'll end up with a lot more in the end, and they'll all be a far better class of partner.
Cenwen wrote:The other concern he voiced is the size of those things and that he worries I would become too loose. sighs Guess there is always some education to do...
I mean, it is
possible. It's also possible to exercise the muscles surrounding the vaginal tract to make them stronger and more effective, and to hold tone throughout intercourse. When my partner had her first child, they gave us exercises that basically amounted to fisting her to loosen her up in the seven months of warning we had before the kid came. They then taught her Kegel exercises because without those she'd have urine incontinence. Those same exercises help with anal muscles as well, if that's another place you're shoving large toys.
But it's unlikely. Mostly, age and genetics play in. I've been taking an XL Clayton and L Flint for years now and have never had a problem.
mynickname wrote:I don't know of any research into the effects of toying on your gut bacteria. We keep learning more and more about how important that bacteria is. There's probably more negative effects from bacteria changes than from stretching.
I worry about that too, but... on the other hand, having this
as a hobby has completely changed the way I eat and the way I treat my gut bacteria. I eat a lot more yogurt now, and a lot more fiber; I also bought a shower massage on a hose so I can bidet my backside and guarantee its cleanliness for the hours I sleep, giving it time to recover from any, er, excessive exercise without interference, and ever since I made those changes, I've had astonishingly good health back there. My life partner isn't into anal at all, and does not generally eat as well as I do, and she sometimes has the worst GI luck, and I just don't get why it happens to her and not to me, given the massive abuse I've put my rectum to. All I can say is: otherwise, clean livin'.