What's on your mind?

[ThatOtherGuy]

Been vegging out all day... did a little work on my fursona attempt, played some 3DS, cleaned, errands. The angry red glow of my beastly PC has been calling to me all day... Think it might be game time.

Also irritated with myself that I was so tired last night the most I toyed was warmup with Axel. BUT! Got more lube today.

[wolfstardobe]

Literally went to an event that turned into a nightmare. I really wish there would have been a warning that it was basically a firework show...

You don’t like fireworks huh? Or generally loud noises?

Childhood trauma directly related to fireworks. It’s more of a instense fear.

[Ghost_the_Crow]

Literally went to an event that turned into a nightmare. I really wish there would have been a warning that it was basically a firework show...

You don’t like fireworks huh? Or generally loud noises?

Childhood trauma directly related to fireworks. It’s more of a instense fear.

Yea I can definately understand that. And imagine a few reasons for it, though I won’t dig into that if you‘re uncomfortable with it.



Other topic:

My grandma finished by beanie:

It looks kinda weird in the picture in my opinion, but that was the best way to take a photo here...

Next is a matching scarf ^ω^

[Niah]

I'm finally off this afternoon after working 8 days in a row (10 shifts total; 2 on 2 days). I'm so fucking relieved I don't go back till Friday morning. Relieved because I get a break and relieved because I, uh, might have broken the air compressor at work when I used it the last time to inflate a tire on the Kubota we use for stuff around the goat farm. I'm trying to play stupid with my boss right now as she is texting me asking me about it. It's not going as well as I'd hoped. Well, I think this last text I sent might have worked. I'm just playing ignorant to the whole matter. I think I knocked it against the shelf when I was putting it back, but I'm sure as shit not telling any of them that. I'm fairly sure my boss doesn't believe my playing ignorant, but I'm off the rest of today and tomorrow and so I shouldn't have to deal with it till Friday. I just hope she doesn't confront me about it. I don't do well with confrontations at all and she's a right bitch most of the time anyway. The other lady is vaguely nicer, but not by much. The good thing is that I don't have any visible tells when lying (face/ears turning red) and I already don't make much eye contact anyway (and they know that). So unless they decide to question me further in person (or on the phone) Friday, I might be in the clear by playing dumb. I'll still continue to play dumb. I told her I didn't notice anything wrong when I last used it and that it worked just fine; she told me it wouldn't have worked at all with how it's broken. Point (maybe...) to me for playing dumb on that. She said it had to have been kicked or dropped to have broken just that way. I honestly didn't think it was broken; I figured it had just come loose and I just ignored it (figured I would have fixed it or something if I needed it again...whoops on that). Again, I'm not telling them that. The most I said is that I didn't recall anything specifically falling on it or that I knocked it into anything when I last set it down, but that it was possible I did but nothing specifically came to mind. I was texting my sister at the same time and was very, very careful not to get mixed up who I was texting; I've done that before and awkward is an understatement.

And now I'm stressed about getting in trouble, but playing dumb should work (I desperately hope it works). I'm just dreading working Friday now; well, working in general at that place. I like the animals just fine, but I have no idea where I stand with my bosses. One moment they're fine with me and the next they're less fine and I'll have no idea what I've done to piss them off or annoy them. And it really is that I haven't done anything to make them mad at me. They just go from being friendly to terse to friendly again with no real rhyme or reason to me. I've had no luck with the other jobs I've been applying to. If living at home wouldn't drive me nuts and if I didn't also need to be employed so I could work on paying my student loan debt, then I'd honestly just quit, get out of my lease early, and go the fuck home.

I'm going to go listen to music and read, or game, or watch something, and avoid thinking about the real world for a while. I've also put my phone on silent to avoid texts and the like from basically anyone (work in particular); and I'll just claim I had to do something or something came up if they want to know why I didn't respond.

[Hoofs_N_Horns]

My grandma finished by beanie:

7D6689FF-4BF9-4BC8-BB55-518E0D336F0D.jpeg

It looks kinda weird in the picture in my opinion, but that was the best way to take a photo here...

Next is a matching scarf ^ω^

Not too subtle color pattern there, I love it :D And I can't freakin wait until it gets cold again so I can wear my fave hats x.x

[TJ_Vinny]

And I can't freakin wait until it gets cold again

I know, right!? I'm sick of this heat. I even dream of snow!

Anyway, a lot has been on my mind lately and I really need to vent. Buckle up.
So, the 3rd anniversary of my brother's death is tomorrow. Rest in peace, my dude! The grief isn't as debilitating as it was last year. Last time, I was in so much pain that I couldn't see, hear, nor think. I was terribly weak and tired, so much so that it was an exhausting chore to even breathe. It all built up over a week and kept at it's peak for a few days afterwards. I was just thinking about it now, I wonder how I'm handling it much better this year. It might be that my life has been going through a huge change with careers and following my passions. Who knows?

One downer though, I was recently thinking about my loneliness. I felt that I'm coming to terms with my brother not being around. I was reading several articles about loneliness. One thing really stood out to me. Although I already have a close circle of friends, family, and my lovely and wonderful dog Jade, I was really in a deep need of an intimate relationship with someone. How do I do that though? I'm 21 and never ever asked anyone out to do anything. I was always putting that off.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it! I will ask her if she's free on Sunday for some sushi!
I'm so nervous. I've been getting to know her more in class, she is part of the inner circle. We have a lot of similar interests as well as a lot of different interests.

I need to try at least, right? So what if I get turned down. As least I would have tried something I have never had the courage to do before, right?

So that's on my mind.

Other topic:

My grandma finished by beanie:

That hat is amazing by the way!

[Curiosa]

Other topic:

My grandma finished by beanie:

Oooh, I love it! Especially love the use of the linen stitch there (the part with the bumpy texture). Unusual to see it on a beanie, I've only ever seen it on sock soles and washcloths. Still, that's gonna be super warm come winter- linen stitch always results in a tight and durable fabric.


In my neck of the woods, I have no clue why but I've been super hungry lately. No matter how much I eat in one sitting, portions that used to fill me up doesn't feel like enough anymore. Craving stuff like eggs, potatoes, fermented/cultured foods, rice and dairy. But mostly eggs. I tried cooking cloud eggs today and I feel the results are worth the effort. Like damn, the fluffiness of the egg whites and the richness of the yolks bring another layer of tasty to the party. Super delicious on buttered toast.

This past couple years I had some health issues that made me super picky about food and I lost a lot of weight as a result*. Maybe it's because I've been feeling better, maybe it's the improved mood over being a month away from getting married. Or is it because winter's coming and my lizard brain wants to fatten me up? I dunno- my folks are enjoying this (I've been cooking more often lately and being more diligent about doing my part cleaning the kitchen due to my resulting food tangents), so I'm gonna just chalk it up to my body just being weird. Not exactly binging on junkfood -lately its been making me gag thinking about eating it- so it cant be too bad.

*Not gonna lie, I'm kinda low-key resentful of the people who keep complementing the weight loss. I'd probably be more ready to accept the compliments if it was conscious effort on my part to lose weight, but c'mon guys, I was ill.

[Smolder]

I never knew what to do with my BD stickers since I had so many and nothing I really wanted stickers stuck to, except for the container i keep my extra bottles of lube in.
Apparently, my lover adores them. He makes better use of them than I do. Even stuck one to his phone case. He doesn't own any toys, but seems to have completely embraced the site and my appreciation of it. I find it amusing that he is now walking around with the BD logo plastered on the back of his phone

[little-mythgital]

Trust my mum to put miniatures on eBay I asked her how they were doing and she said about the watchers and stuff and I glanced and saw the titles. I wish she did them more specific cause I did wrote what they were.
Trying to see if I get the money from them for the Beasts of Chaos that is coming out from Games Workshop
Haven't been well due to my head constantly playing up and other things. It is stopping me from getting stuff done sometimes. Then having problems with going out at the moment, I am a little tired of it.

[Ghost_the_Crow]

I never knew what to do with my BD stickers since I had so many and nothing I really wanted stickers stuck to, except for the container i keep my extra bottles of lube in.
Apparently, my lover adores them. He makes better use of them than I do. Even stuck one to his phone case. He doesn't own any toys, but seems to have completely embraced the site and my appreciation of it. I find it amusing that he is now walking around with the BD logo plastered on the back of his phone

I‘ve got one stuck to my phone as well ^^
No case, directly though

[Curiosa]

My SO ran into an old art teacher of ours and informed her of our upcoming wedding. Apparently she got super excited about it and told him she's always wanted us to end up together, even back when we were in high school. I guess I can add one more person to the growing list of folks who shipped us since our high school days.

Imma just put this part in the spoiler cuz it's me going on about wedding plans

► Show Spoiler

Still super busy with wedding stuff. Got done baking the cake layers and stored them in the freezer. That way I can just assemble the cake and focus on decorating the couple days before the big day. Also made and froze the white chocolate custard I need to make the german buttercream frosting and oooooooooh this is my best batch of custard! Its also my biggest batch holy shit 24 egg yolks is no joke. I want to say I made nearly a gallon of custard. Im really at my A-game cooking wise at the moment and I am feeling it! *sassy snap motions*

Alllllmost done painting the wedding top miniature we designed on Hero's Forge. Just need to paint the spell effects, the cobblestone base, and my mini's shoes. SO is gonna paint his figure, and since he has more experience than me painting minis I'm not too worried.

I still have so much to do!!! Gotta assemble the bouquet (it has a sword handle!!) Paint my family's banner, make my flower crown, find some shoes to wear, make the bridesmaids their gifts, sew the wedding cloak, and sew the under dress for my wedding dress. The fancier part of the dress is being sewn by my super talented seamstress friend who volunteered for the task. She's already done we just need to do a fitting for it. What did I do to deserve an awesome friend like her?!

We also gotta pick what sword we using to cut the cake, cuz we decided that was gonna be a thing. Oh lordy we got so many swords and I love them all, it's gonna be hard just picking one!

wedding feels aside

Also, my mom finally repainted the bathroom. It used to be this weird red terra cotta color which I think isn't a good bathroom color. it's been driving me crazy since day one oh meh lawd Now it's an off white shade which is... better. At least it's no longer red.

[BlastShelter]

I was thinking how in fact (and in reallity) people gets followers on social media (and not the bullshit publication who people belives).

[Tallon]

Honestly, I'm out of thoughts. My psychiatrist and I are working on new med combos that might help me feel awake during the day. Otherwise, I'm a useless lump.

[Smolder]

My lover and I were talking about the possibility of a date soon - it's been ages since we've properly gone out. Usually our time together consists of him coming over to my place. We would talk or do dumb stuff like start tickle fights, as well as fool around. That's certainly fun and all, but theres something special about going out together once in a while, even for something simple like coffee.
I'm hoping we can do that this week. I'll be out of state all of this weekend on a trip with my mom.

[Curiosa]

Mom: "I finally followed your advice and got an account for your father and I on YouTube!"
Me: " Cool! What's your username?"
Mom: *says a username that sounds racy at best, a troll account as worst*
Me: "um...ok."
Mom: "What? What's wrong?"
Me:

Me: "Nevermind, you should be fine as long as you don't post any comments on any videos you watch."

[Margo]

Hi there,
Can't fall asleep, so just wasting my time on the Internet now. Smoking a cigarette. Well, I was trying to give it up, not once, I would rather say thousands of times. Nothing worked. I was not smoking for a week. I have insomnia, became too nervous and irritating.
Reading the article about insomnia and smoking on Vapingdaily now.
A month ago I slept good, but now have real problems with that. I think that's because of my attempts to give this habit up. Maybe I should visit the doctor, Not sure.

[Niah]

Took Erebor, my goat, to the vet this morning for his hernia repair surgery. I'm definitely taking a nap at some point today since I had to get up at 645 on my day off and I've gotten up at 515 every morning since Wednesday. Fortunately I can sleep in tomorrow and I don't work a double (morning and evening shift on the same day) until Sunday. I haven't been doing much thanks to my shitty work schedule and being so tired. Most of me knows I should really wait and not order one, but I'm really tempted to order a custom Winston's Tongue; I'm thinking of a medium/5 done in a marble of the new Signature for Winston's Tail. The Tongue and Zaratan are about the only two models that still have my interest, but it's not a "I must have it now" interest. Votan wouldn't be bad if the small weren't too small and the medium weren't too big. Oh well.

My area didn't get hit nearly as badly by Florence as they were saying we would; the wind wasn't too bad and we got maybe an inch of rain as compared to the forecasted 3 to 6 inches. My parents live more towards the middle of the state, so they saw a lot more rain and wind than I did. The damage along the coast is just horrific though.

I made 2 big, ranting edits to this post, so I hid them under a spoiler.

► Show Spoiler

Edit: My employers at the goat farm are so cheap. Well, maybe not cheap, but they're in over their head with everything now. The products we make keep getting more and more attention and so we have a about 600 goats (200 of which are milk producing does) on roughly 7 acres of land. They spend roughly $2100 a week on feed and other items alone. There really aren't that many employees either; hence why I and two others have such a shit schedule this month. The vat that the milk gets dumped into when milking broke yesterday so that it won't cool the milk so they have to fix that; about 3 weeks ago they had to fix the milking machine itself because it wouldn't keep suction properly. And now they're bitching at me about the ignition of the Kubota RTV we use (or used to use now...) to feed the goats and clean pens and etc. I was trying to tell the one of them yesterday about how bad the ignition housing was but she laid into me about how the key had been broken off in it and no one had told her right away so she only found out about it a little bit ago. Uh...I didn't tell anyone because I thought they all knew about it; that key had been broken like that when I started work there in May, so I figured everyone knew about it. Because of using a bit of the key that's barely a half inch long, the plastic housing eventually got damaged and it's finally basically stripped out. I tried to tell her that yesterday and, as I said, the woman talked over me and basically said to just deal with it. Now I'm getting texts about the issue, and I went ahead and told her that that's what I was trying to tell her yesterday. She's essentially accusing me of using something other than the key to make it like that and I told her that I used the key as usual and didn't use anything else (screwdriver or whatever). Hell, that woman is the one who told me that if it breaks down then we'd just have to deal with it and use wheelbarrows to do everything...if that's the case why the fuck is bitching to me about it? She can't fucking say I didn't tell her anything because I tried to yesterday and she didn't want to hear it. I'm now dreading going back there when I have to bring Erebor back after his surgery, and I'm dreading work and everything. I really hate it there most of the time. The best time I have is when the two of them are gone to shows, but that's not really that often. So yeah, she was complaining about how she can't afford to fix anything and for us to just deal with it and now she's complaining to me about how that ignition is basically destroyed and all. I told her that the key would barely work to turn the ignition and she went on about how the key was broken off in it and everything. That was not my doing and it's not my fucking fault she wouldn't listen to me yesterday about it. I guess they'll have to rig something up to get it to work. Part of the issue to is that the Kubota is beaten all to hell. The passenger door doesn't stay shut and there isn't even a driver-side door at all anymore; not that it stayed shut when it was on there. This means that the does in the milking pasture get into the thing; the seat is seriously half eaten because they eat out the stuffing inside the seat and the seat back. The tailgate, which isn't necessary, is all bent up from people backing into shit. The whole bit with the ignition is the latest issue with it. I'm just sick of getting bitched at about shit that isn't my fault, especially when I did what she said to do and tried to tell someone and then have them fucking ignore me. This just made a moderately pleasant day rather unpleasant and stressful. Yay.

Edit 2: I'm not really holding my breath considering my luck, but I did an open interview at a nearby store just now and I hope I'll get a callback soon. From what I read before when I was considering applying there, most people tend to hear back pretty quickly, but who knows. As mentioned, I don't fancy my luck when it comes to job interviews and the like. The lady who interviewed me was very nice though. As much as I hate to leave Erebor at that farm, I just can't take working there much longer and dealing with their bullshit mood swings and accusations. My sister, who worked there back years ago when the original owner was still alive, loved it and it was her suggestion I work there to begin with. Considering what all has gone on there since then and what I've told her, she's totally behind me with me quitting that place. I'll apply at another nearby store if I don't hear anything from this store by Wednesday. I'm off Thursday, provided they don't decide to call me in (in which case I'll refuse and say that I already have plans for that day). If I do get hired by the store, I'm quitting the goat farm immediately. Fuck the whole two weeks notice shit. The manager at the store knows that I'm not planning on staying at the farm and understood when I explained that it wasn't what I was looking for. This job would probably be in the deli, but I can handle it I think. Once in, there would be more opportunities to move around and everything. Hell, even if I don't get hired, I'll probably quit the goat farm before October.

[AkaiKitsune]

Why the fuck is the Bad Dragon Discord an absolute shithole?

[Niah]

Doing a separate post instead of adding to the super long one above. Erebor ended up dying Monday after his surgery; they called one of my bosses instead of me because her name is on the account and they needed her permission to take him off oxygen. His surgery went well, but he started crashing in recovery. They got him on oxygen and he improved, but every time they tried to take him off it his oxygen levels would drop and his heart rate would go all crazy. They tried 4 or so times, even with a shot of epinephrine once, but nothing worked. My boss called the other boss, who in turn called to tell me. Monday sucked so much.

Yesterday went better at work than I expected, except for one thing. The bucks are all in rut and we have this yearling Nubian buck who is already basically fully grown. He's a lovely red and white and he's called Big Red. Well, Big Red decided I was either an option to mate with or that he needed to challenge me, because he kept trying to mount me. Now, I'm 5ft 6in tall and when he rears on his hind legs his head is about even with mine, so he's not some little thing. He ended up knocking my glasses off at one point and I caught a glancing blow from a front hoof across my forehead. I have just a little scrape, but it's still sore.

Today I managed to get a large splinter in the end of a finger and it hurts like crazy. I got most of the splinter out except for a bit where it's in the deepest. I soaked it in some warm salt water and some little bits came out. I'll do another soak tonight before bed.

On the plus side, I have an interview/meeting with the co-manager at the store near me. I'd likely be working in the deli and I expect I'd start out part-time. I did a quick Google and it looks like $9 an hour is about the average. That would put me making roughly what I make at the goat farm, maybe a little less after taxes. However, if I'm hired, I would likely have the option to move around in the store after a while, along with promotions, pay raises, and so forth. I don't have that option at the goat farm. My sister said to wait till I'm hired for sure before telling my bosses at the goat farm and then give them my 2 weeks notice. It would mean I'd finish out the month there, most likely. I feel maybe a little bad since they have been nicer to me lately, but their unpredictable moods and mood swings are still a thing and I never know when they next might get irritated with me or mad. I'm trying to be a little optimistic, but also not to get my hopes up too high since I've had seemingly promising interviews before which have then led to nowhere.

[Tallon]

So... two of my close friends are feuding. One calls the other a "shitty" person, whilst the other remains silent in contempt. Meanwhile, my spouse and I are friends with them both. Should we be obligated to fix things, or should we let nature run its course and let a long-standing friendship die?