PH Splorch Review from a Female

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SheWantsTheDragonD
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PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby SheWantsTheDragonD » Tue Jun 09, 2015 3:34 am

This is a review for Splorch from Primal Hardwere.
You can buy it here for a reasonable price of $119.99 or $129.99.
https://www.primalhardwere.com/category/ovipositors

Splorch_2.jpg

Specs:
total height: 10.5"
shaft length: 9.5"
diameter: 2" (without eggs in it)
shaft circumference: 6.5" - It doesn't actually seem that thick though because it is hollow on the inside; With eggs is a different story.

If you don't know what an ovipositor is, I'll have you know that I didn't know what one was until a stumbled across this thing. An ovipositor penetrates your holes and then lays eggs inside of you - yes, YOU!

I never thought I was interested in this idea (honestly, when I see hentai with aliens/monsters laying eggs in an unwilling anime girl, I'm kind of weirded out), but then I saw video of someone pushing an egg through a Splorch, and I became aroused and sad that this physically existing thing wasn't laying eggs inside of me!

Basically I didn't know I wanted it until I saw it.

Then I sat in my chair one night after work looking at The Internet. My boyfriend had his friend Andrew over and they were drinking terrible Whisky while looking at Youtube videos of toys from the 90s gone wrong. I sat on the side of the living room, eyeballing this Splorch, wondering if an ovipositor would add value to my life. I quietly dragged my purse across the floor to me with my toes and retrieved my credit card (mostly used for paying off bills; I am more responsible than I used to be ;<_< ). Within a few minutes, I had an order placed for my metallic green Splorch and I entered the numbers that tell Primal Hardwere how to take my money.

I have divided my review into sections so you can find the information you're looking for quickly. I will not use a number rating system because everything about this toy is a straight up 10/10. I love this toy and have lots of good things to say about it.

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Ordering & Shipping
====================================
[spoiler]I decided to make this into one section because it was incredibly straightforward and fast. If you are considering buying from Primal Hardwere, do it!!

I ordered Splorch on a Saturday night. In the comment section at checkout, I wrote that I wanted it to be a metallic dark green and I sent them a link to a toy I wanted it to look like.

The Splorch arrived the following Wednesday. I live in the US and Primal Hardwere is based in the US, so shipping was fast and affordable for me. I was amazed at how fast they made the toy.

The packaging was discrete. It didn't have some flashy sign on it saying, "ALIEN SEX TOYS FOR A PERVERT" or anything, so I was able to pick it up from the leasing office with no weird looks.[/spoiler]

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Appearance
====================================
[spoiler]I love the way Splorch looks. The color is metallic green with black swirls (I copied the color from a toy someone else bought because I really liked it).

I went with this green color because I fantasize more about plant-like vine-tentacles than I do about alien impregnation. I get turned on by the idea of a Tangela or other grass/bug Pokemon with vines, or I've always fantasized about plant vines that can move and wrap around me.

The shape of Splorch is just great. The veins add a nice texture to look at.

I should note the feel of the silicone. Splorch is soft (like Bad Dragon's 3 firmness), and it has a slightly sticky feel to it. I didn't notice the stickiness when I put lube on it and used it, but when it is clean and dry it feels sort of sticky. I even came home one day and my boyfriend said, "I touched that thing while you were gone... it felt sticky." I have read that some silicone feels slightly sticky when it is dry, and you can rub a specific powder on it to make it feel soft, but I won't bother with this because it wasn't noticeable during use.

Overall, the look of Splorch is beautiful and I get partly turned on just looking at it and handling it. I'm kind of thinking of getting Primal Hardwere's long tentacles in the same color to add to the experience and wrap around my arms and legs. They are super long.[/spoiler]

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Making Gelatin Eggs (DON'T USE JELLO)
====================================
[spoiler]Primal Hardwere sent a mold for 6 chicken-egg-sized gelatin eggs. They also sent this recipe with it.

Recipe.jpg

I bought two large boxes of Knox Unflavored Gelatin because I plan to make lots of eggs (Don't buy the small box! If you can, buy the 32 packet box with 8oz).

Preparing.jpg
Uhh, am I doing this right? (you should actually cover the powder with cool water to let it dissolve - what I did was sort of wrong)

For one batch of eggs I needed to use 8 packets of Gelatin powder, which seemed like a lot to me because I don't make gelatin things often. I followed the instructions sent by Primal Hardwere, which said to sprinkle the powder into the cold water and let it sit for 10 to 20 minutes, and then heat on low until the powder dissolves.

I should have reread this review: viewtopic.php?f=41&t=26404
"You should pour about half of the water in a saucepan, and sprinkle the gelatin on top. Let it dissolve a bit for about a minute, then add the rest of the water and put it on very low heat. I used a small whisk and stirred constantly for about 10 minutes until it was honey colored, no longer lumpy, and slightly foamy on top."

My mistake was heating it before making sure everything was covered in cold water, so next time I will pour some cold water over the powder too.

Even though there were still lumps in the liquid gelatin mix, after a few minutes I just fished them out. Then I poured it into my plastic measuring cup (one with a pointed spout) and I used that to pour into the top holes of the egg mold (I rubbed a tiny amount of water-based lube inside the egg molds before this).

I put the filled egg mold into the fridge next to the other eggs we have.

InTheFridge.jpg
Nothin' weird going on here.

Even though I didn't do a perfect job of preparing the gelatin, the eggs turned out firm and consistent looking. After making these eggs once, I don't think this will be a difficult recipe to follow in the future, and the eggs were really nice![/spoiler]

====================================
Usage (without Eggs - Vaginal)
====================================
[spoiler]I waited a couple weeks to get the eggs made and have time to try this with my boyfriend, so I got kind of impatient waiting to try out the Splorch (I was also waiting for my silicone eggs from Frisky Beast).

The first time I put Splorch in (vaginally) was in the shower. I can usually use my small Nova without warmup, and I can use my small Crackers with a little bit of warmup. I was able to put Splorch in with no warmup (Splorch is a little thick, but it is hollow so it does not feel very thick; it is also soft and squishy. I think that a sexually active person with a vagina will probably have little trouble pushing it in with the use of lube).

Comp_SmCrackers_Front.jpg
On its own Splorch doesn't actually feel as thick as small Crackers

Comp_SmCrackers.jpg

Comp_SodaCan_2.jpg

Comp_SodaCan_Top.jpg

I didn't use any soft toys before Splorch (my BD toys are in 5 or 8), and I think I have been missing out on the comfortable feeling of pushing something squishy up there. The ends were not pokey at all.

Splorch isn't very stimulating as a thruster (my favorite thruster is my small Nova in medium firmness - I love its ridges). Splorch does feel nice though, and it was exciting to look down and see this long plant-thing sticking out because Splorch is too long to fit all the way inside me.

------------------------------------
I also tried a couple other variations outside of the shower. I have a regular thin vibrator that I am able to push up the bottom hole of Splorch. The vibrator doesn't go all the way up Splorch but it does make Splorch vibrate a little, and it is pleasureable to shove this large, squishy, vibrating Splorch up my hole.

Another thing I did was thrust the Splorch in and out while using my vibrator on my clit (the standard thing I try with every dildo). At the end of my session it was wonderful to get off while I had this long soft plant-like thing sticking out of me.

An interesting surprise that I should mention:
I love the way those two soft lips look, and I randomly decided to hook them around my nipple.
I found that I can cover my nipple with the mouth of Splorch, and I can put my mouth on the base of it, creating a sort of vacuum if I suck. Basically I was able to use Splorch like a vacuum tube on my nipple and sort of plump it up a little. Very arousing and nice to look at.[/spoiler]

====================================
Usage (with Gelatin Eggs - Vaginal)
====================================
[spoiler]This was a messy experience. Some people suggest toying in the bathtub, but I only have a small stand-up shower :(
So I laid down a towel and I'm glad I did.

Before using Splorch with the eggs, I warmed up with Nova and then Crackers. I knew that the chicken-egg-sized eggs would make Splorch much, much thicker so I wanted to be ready for that.

I ran one egg under warm water for a moment (not so long that I would melt it), and the egg was still kind of cool from the fridge, but not ice cold. I put a bit of water based lube around the egg (you really should cover most of the egg in a little bit of lube to fit it into the Splorch), and I managed to push it into Splorch.

I really had to push on the egg and squeeze and milk Splorch to push it through, and I did a lot of this outside of my body since it was my first time with it. I pushed the head of Splorch into my vagina when the egg was nearing the top of it. That bulge was wiiiide (I think larger than the bulge of small Crackers), and I had to stretch to push it through.

While trying to push the egg out inside of me, Splorch accidentally fell out and the egg just kind of came out in my hand. So I put the egg in my vagina myself, and I was able to push it back out. This was my first time toying with something egg shaped, so it was interesting to push it in and then lay it. I did this a few times until it seemed less solid. Then I laid it into the bathroom sink and left it to dissolve, haha.

My boyfriend tried pushing an egg through Splorch, but he didn't really lube it up enough so some of it fell apart while we tried to push it through. Some pieces of gelatin came out of the bottom of Splorch and I knew the egg wasn't doing very well. We both took turns trying to squeeze the egg through Splorch and didn't have a lot of luck. Lesson Learned: cover the egg in some lube and it will go easier. This egg went into the bathroom sink also.

I lubed up the next egg and my boyfriend was able to push this one through more easily. The egg got to where my vagina started and he spent some time trying to squeeze it through with the Splorch inside of me. It was hot to lay there and have this thing sticking into me with someone trying to push the egg through, and his fingers were all around my clit as he squeezed on the Splorch. That was nice, but it didn't manage to go through. I took Splorch out and pushed the egg up just a little bit. Then I pushed Splorch in with the egg. At this point I decided to treat Splorch like a toy with a knot. I thrust Splorch in and out with the egg at the head, and the bulge felt so good going back and forth in my vaginal canal. I still had trouble making the egg lay inside of me though. Another egg for the sink (hopefully it doesn't harm the pipes)!

The right way to do it:
The last thing I tried was lubing up two eggs at a time and pushing them through. THIS worked.
I pushed one egg in after the other and was able to squeeze both of them through Splorch while it was inside of my vagina. Splorch was thick inside of me with two eggs going through. I slowly milked Splorch as it stretched my opening, and then one egg plopped out in a gentle motion. When I was ready, Splorch deposited the other egg. Finally the alien-plant life form laid its eggs in me.

I pulled Splorch out and was able to easily push one egg out. The other egg was further up my vagina, kind of behind that bendy wall I have. It took more effort, but I was able to push that egg out also.[/spoiler]

====================================
Usage (with Silicone Eggs - Vaginal)
====================================
[spoiler]I ordered a sample set of three medium-firmness silicone eggs from Frisky Beast.
I was afraid that it would take months for them to ship because I have heard that Frisky Beast takes a long time with egg orders, but thankfully it only took a few weeks.

The eggs that I received were pleasant to look at. One was light translucent blue. Another was silver metallic. The third was a dark metallic red with small strips of dark metallic blue - very pretty.

This endeaver was difficult. With enough lube, I could technically fit one of the eggs into Splorch's base. I can even squeeze it through by reapplying a large amount of lube, but it is not easy enough to do with Splorch inside me.

So I can't really use the silicone eggs with Splorch the way I would like, but they are still useful.

If you are able to get the silicone egg to the part of Splorch that you like, you basically have a really solid knot, and that is one of the really pleasurable things about Splorch. I loved pushing Splorch in and out of my vagina with that large bulge stretching me (I'm still used to small toys).

I would not do this anally, because I am afraid of the chance that the silicone egg could squeeze out and be forever lost up my butt.

Splorch_FB_Bulge.jpg
I love seeing that bulge and shoving it inside of me.

Splorch_FB_Peek.jpg
With enough lube and grippy determination, I managed to push the egg through.


------------------------------------
Another note: these silicone eggs are niiiiice. They are my first eggs, and I have finally put them into my vagina.

This morning, while relaxing in bed, I put one egg inside. I spent a minute or so pushing it out and then back in, and then I rested in my bed and clenched my muscles around it. The pleasure wasn't as obvious as it is when I stuff a dildo in it, but I definitely felt different.

I became more curious, and I decided to stuff a second egg in. When I laid down, I felt them moving around whenever I moved a little. I laid on my stomach and squirmed around slightly. With each movement, I felt them pushing against one another and sliding around. I felt full and insanely aroused. My vaginal walls clenched around the eggs. Each tightening motion cause them to move around just a little more. It was never an obvious movement, only subtle, but the effect on my body was noticeable and I napped and sort of writhed around. It was incredibly lovely.

The next thing I want is to be tied up, on my stomach, with two eggs inside me.

I definitely will be doing this more during my down-time. It requires no warmup and makes me feel like something forbidden has made its way inside of me.[/spoiler]

====================================
Comments about Anal Usage
====================================
[spoiler]I don't actually think I would be able to fit this in my anus because it is soft. People have done it though.

If you choose to use it anally, I can only confidently advise you to use eggs that are made of water-based-gelatin. These will dissolve. You might have some bowel weirdness from pushing gelatin up there, but this is safer than other egg-shaped things you will release up there.

Ice might be another material you want to try.
Keep in mind that ice can melt and become sharp, so you probably risk tearing the tissue inside your anus. I am not an anal expert in any way, so maybe you should consult the people on the anal advice thread if this is something you are thinking of.

The last material I will mention is cumlube. I think I read somewhere that someone managed to freeze cumlube into an egg shape and use it like this. You will have to research a little further if this sounds like what you want.[/spoiler]

====================================
Links to Some Other Reviews of Splorch/Krubera
====================================
[spoiler]"Singing the Praises of the Splorch", by chickadee on BD Forum
viewtopic.php?f=41&t=26404

"Krubera Review Male", by HighSpeedSteel on BD Forum
viewtopic.php?t=28050

"Primal Hardwere Splorch Review", by AshesTheKinky on Blogspot
http://ashesthekinky.blogspot.com/2014/ ... 6076c562b5

"PRIMAL HARDWERE’S KRUBERA OVIPOSITOR SEX TOY REVIEW", by Kitten Boheme
http://kittenboheme.com/2015/01/primal- ... oy-review/
(You might notice that the color of Kitten Boheme's Krubera is familiar - yes, I did choose this color for my Splorch because I loved it)

------------------------------------
***These reviews were written when the hole at the bottom of the Splorch was incredibly tiny.
Primal Hardwere has increased the size so that gelatin eggs can fit more easily now.***

"An Eggcellent Encounter- PH Splorch Review + FB Sample Eggs", by Airless on BD Forum
viewtopic.php?t=22836

"Review; Primal Hardwere's Splorch Ovipositor~!", by Vixens Toy Box on Tumblr
http://vixxydicks.tumblr.com/post/78041 ... ovipositor

"Splorch ~ Review", by Reviews by a Nerd
http://reviewsbyanerd.com/2014/04/04/i- ... by-primal/[/spoiler]

====================================
Ending Notes
====================================
It's hard to rate Splorch with a number. I don't think there is a toy out there that will be a 10/10 for everyone since we all have different needs (One reviewer lamented the fact that she didn't get off when using it, and that's understandable because Splorch probably won't bring someone to orgasm and she didn't actually have a sexual fantasy about ovipositors).

What I can say is that Splorch is the most unique thing I have, and I know that there are lots of people out there who would love a toy like this.

If you like the idea of an Ovipositor, Primal Hardwere really did a great job and you should not pass this thing up.

Even if you don't want to use eggs with it all the time, Splorch feels pretty nice as a floppy, long dildo that will remind you of a tentacle/vine/alien life form/whatever you imagine when looking at this long thing. It is well made and very pleasing to look at.

If you like knots, I like to think of it as a dildo that I can put a knot into and I can choose the location of said knot (just push the egg to the part you want it to be in). I think this toy should appeal to knot lovers for that reason.

Also, I see a lot of concern about how easy it is to put eggs into this thing. Primal Hardwere's earlier model had a hole at the base that was tiny. Primal Hardwere has updated Splorch and now the hole is sufficient to fit eggs through. It can be a little difficult if you don't put enough lube on the egg, but they can go through there.
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Samson
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby Samson » Tue Jun 09, 2015 6:05 am

Thank you for sharing this! Especially the info on use with silicone eggs.
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby SheWantsTheDragonD » Tue Jun 09, 2015 2:02 pm

The eggs!
Screenshots_2015-06-09-14-07-27.png

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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby Knottery » Tue Jun 09, 2015 2:25 pm

Hmm, I did not think this was relevant to my interests until now. Thanks for the review! Especially with the silicone eggs. I don't think I deal with the gelatin ones.
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby Qwen » Tue Jun 09, 2015 6:52 pm

I wish i could like this for how informative and through it's been but alas! I had read one of the linked reviews before this and was somewhat intrigued, in the end it's not for me but this is a great review detailing the toy and...hot damn! That is all.
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby SheWantsTheDragonD » Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:30 pm

Qwen wrote:I wish i could like this for how informative and through it's been but alas! I had read one of the linked reviews before this and was somewhat intrigued, in the end it's not for me but this is a great review detailing the toy and...hot damn! That is all.


I really don't think this toy is for everyone so I agree with what you're saying. I have a lot of enthusiasm for Splorch because I think they did a really fantastic job on it and it is so unique, but I want anyone who is thinking about it to have lots and lots of info first :)
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby Shadow hound » Wed Jun 10, 2015 3:35 am

When I saw this toy for the first time I was thinking no way in hell and I thought it was so freaky but as I've been seeing it pop up every now and then here and there I'm getting kinda intriqued and your review was awesome as well :D

Also the silicone eggs, I've been thinking like what the hell why would anyone wanna lay eggs but ..as I keep thinking about it more, it might feel quite nice. Why do things always have to escalade... xD
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby SheWantsTheDragonD » Fri Jun 12, 2015 3:25 am

Shadow hound wrote:Why do things always have to escalade... xD


There are so many toys that at first glance, I thought, nuh uh. That doesn't look right for me.
As for eggs, I didn't understand why they were a good idea either. I could conceptualize someone having a kink for them or something, but I didn't think they would be right for me.

Then I saw threads about them, and the eggs were so affordable, and suddenly I ordered them and then they were here.

And everything else has slowly started to look friendlier and more in need of a home. I think I kind of want to buy everything BD sells...
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby Sindri Alvanis » Fri Jun 12, 2015 12:59 pm

SheWantsTheDragonD wrote:
Shadow hound wrote:Why do things always have to escalade... xD


There are so many toys that at first glance, I thought, nuh uh. That doesn't look right for me.
As for eggs, I didn't understand why they were a good idea either. I could conceptualize someone having a kink for them or something, but I didn't think they would be right for me.

Then I saw threads about them, and the eggs were so affordable, and suddenly I ordered them and then they were here.

And everything else has slowly started to look friendlier and more in need of a home. I think I kind of want to buy everything BD sells...


I desperately want to buy this, or at least just the eggs, for myself and my ladyfriend. We're both the types that are way into oviposition and related kinks, so this is just way too hot for me to handle. <*w*> Thanks for alerting me to this toy~
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby littles_luna » Sat Jan 09, 2016 2:58 am

omu thank you so much for the review i am so interested in buying it now especially after your very sexy description it seems like something me and my partner will get all hot and bothered over
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby DelilahdaDirtyDork » Fri Mar 18, 2016 5:42 pm

I was not previously aware that egg laying was a real fetish for some. (apologies if making assumptions). That being said...how fitting this toy might be just in time for Easter.

And lucky you, I was curious of what girls thought of it and found your review of it. I plan to do a review of the egg-laying fetish in general including my discovery of the Splorch on here and if you don't mind I'd like to post a link of your review in the stations.
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby SheWantsTheDragonD » Fri Mar 18, 2016 6:33 pm

DelilahdaDirtyDork wrote:I was not previously aware that egg laying was a real fetish for some. (apologies if making assumptions). That being said...how fitting this toy might be just in time for Easter.

And lucky you, I was curious of what girls thought of it and found your review of it. I plan to do a review of the egg-laying fetish in general including my discovery of the Splorch on here and if you don't mind I'd like to post a link of your review in the stations.


I always get happy when Easter comes around because of this stuff, hehe.

I stumbled into the egg thing by accident and was too horrified at first, but as long as I don't go too deep into some of the scarier hentai I can fantasize happily about friendly alien creatures filling me with eggs (in a friendly, healthy way <_<). Also, giant bug/spider stuff. I like that too.
I don't mind links to my review :>
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby DelilahdaDirtyDork » Sat Mar 19, 2016 2:42 pm

Here's a link to my review: viewtopic.php?f=15&t=43903
Hope you like it. ^.^
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby Rainbow Dasher » Sat Mar 19, 2016 2:56 pm

Um, to be honest, what you linked to was not a review of anything; it reads like a heaping dose of judgement. It isn't really fair to "review" things you have never actually tried. This isn't the place for shaming/judging others' kinks. =/
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby DelilahdaDirtyDork » Wed Apr 06, 2016 10:14 am

Rainbow Dasher wrote:Um, to be honest, what you linked to was not a review of anything; it reads like a heaping dose of judgement. It isn't really fair to "review" things you have never actually tried. This isn't the place for shaming/judging others' kinks. =/


Really? Cus it wasn't my intention at all. I was genuinely trying to share my thoughts and feelings on it. Shaming and judging isn't my intention, I mean yeah I have my opinions sure but who doesn't? And yeah I admit reviewing things I personally haven't tried isn't fair. I very much appreciate the feedback. Honestly it drives me nutz not getting any all, I mean even if they have problems with it and don't like it: TELL ME! I can't get better if I don't know peoples thoughts. >.<
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Re: PH Splorch Review from a Female

Postby Phelvia » Wed Apr 06, 2016 11:19 am

Edit: Is necro'ing reviews ok? Just seen this thread had been dead since June.

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