Vaginal Sex advice thread

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Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Nemekh » Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:26 am

Seeing as we love our resident demoiselles here at BD, we can't forget a thread for the ladies :D

Please post your tips for newbies, suggestions for the experienced and awesome experiences of what works for you here!
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Kith » Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:05 am

For starters, I heartily recommend foreplay (bad pun, sorry!). Sex is much more enjoyable when I've been suitably prepared for it, and the few times I've been too wet to properly enjoy the friction, my mate has happily obliged me by going down there and removing some. :P

Second, varying the position, even during the same sexual encounter, can be very enjoyable and make sure both partners get the most out of the experience. I'm not sure if this is typical, but my mate and I typically go through 3 or more positions per encounter before both of us are satisfied.

Then there are the less physical things: communication and humor. Yes, humor - sex is not srs bsns. Sometimes funny things happen during sex; it's okay to laugh, so please do! Just make sure to tell your partner why if the source of your laughter isn't immediately obvious (like rolling off the bed). That way there isn't accidental offense taken. But good communication is by far the best asset in any social encounter, and sex is no exception. If your partner's doing something right, be encouraging; if they're doing something wrong, please let them know and (if possible) what they can do instead that would be better for you. Make sure your partner knows to give you the same feedback, and keep in mind that it doesn't have to be intellectual discourse: simple phrases like "harder," "not so fast," or "let's try ___" are enough most of the time.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Phen » Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:09 pm

I made a "Lifting the Cervix" thread a while back that may help my fellow ladies for getting longer toys in! viewtopic.php?f=5&t=7881&hilit=lifting+cervix
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Kith » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:20 pm

naano wrote:I was wondering if there's any way to "train" myself to enjoy penetration more, or am I just not built for that?


Not sure about the kind of training you're asking for, but there is something I know of that you can try if your partner's okay with it. There are cockrings with little vibrators on them, and some are specifically for clitoral stimulation. Have him put one of those on during sex and see how you fare. If you want to get your insides used to something being in there, something like a Crystal Egg might be a good investment. Since it's a rock, it is rather cold, so you can leave it in warm water for a bit if you like, just don't boil it - it might crack.

As far as sex being painful - it would be a good idea to explore why this is. Vaginismus is possible, but it's not guaranteed that you have it; even if you do, something like the egg will help as long as you do some exercises with it. Do you get the same pain with a similarly-sized toy? A smaller one? Do you have trouble with self-lubrication? Do you always have sex in the same position? Once you've got an idea of why it hurts, then you can figure out what options you have to prevent it.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Phen » Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:54 pm

From all the research I've done, there's two possible things, naano.

1) you might just be one of those women who can't get off from Vaginal Penetration.

2) Kegal Exercises. you can order "vaginal barbells" to exercise your kegal muscles. I hear it helps you gain more feeling and control over your muscles which can help you gain more ability of contracting your insides to cum. they tend to look like this. http://www.benwaballs.net/products/250_kegelbarbell.jpg

it actually took me a few years to figure out when I was and wasn't having an actual vaginal orgasm. I used to think I was, but when I actually had one it was much more intense than the past "orgasms" that I have. You should be able to tell the difference, but everyone is different. what can cause one to orgasm may not for another. Just keep at it, hun.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Cammii » Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:02 pm

naano wrote:I can easily achieve orgasm from clitoral stimulation, but not even close with penetration.....I was wondering if there's any way to "train" myself to enjoy penetration more, or am I just not built for that? I'd like to enjoy the actual FEELING during sex - most of the arousal just comes from loving my bf and being turned on by him enjoying himself, but not the physical part so much until he's rubbing my clit.


Lesbian here ( haha...anyways) and being with quite a few girls (six), I can say that only one of them got off on vaginal penetration, and even then, I was using my fingers to apply pressure and rub at the g-spot. And when using toys in a harness or with out one (since I have no penis), most only got off from clitoral stimulation. So you're not the only one, myself included.

Which leads to another thing, more so for the fellas. Don't get upset or feel like a failure if you fail to get a girl off. It's upsetting and frustrating, but it happens. A vaginal orgasm for a lot(not all) women is hard to achieve through intercourse, if at all. Not all women can orgasm that way. Clitoral is much easier, but even then some women don't reach one.
It could be from a number of things, such as she's too pre-occupied or worrying about something, the position is wrong, communication is needed, ect.
An example is my current mate. She can get herself off in under 2 minutes(I think she said 30 seconds once...and even multiple times), but even my amazing skills and 5-15 minutes of work (depending on what we're doing) can get her close, but not over the edge. I got a 15% success rate, and it'll only happen when she's lying on her back, not sideways, standing up ect. :mystery:

The fabled g-spot. Yes it exists....for at least the girls I've slept with I've found it. It's a small little "rough" patch about 1 1/2 to 2 inches(past the second knuckle on your finger is too far usually) inside the vaginal canal on the front side (or if she's lying down on her back, the top part of the wall). Use lube, and one finger at first, and rub against it in a "come hither" hooking motion with your finger. Once she's warmed up, add two and repeat. Just be sure to gradually start applying a bit more pressure to the spot. Can't guarantee she will get off by this alone (sometimes the feeling of it takes getting used to), but if you use your other hand or mouth on her clit, she'll be twitching in no time.

And guys should do some research too. I've been with guys in the past who talked a big game, but had no idea what they were doing or what some part was...you just look silly. If you're new to this, or its your first time, I'm sure if you asked, most girls would probably be willing to walk you through it, again, communication is key.

TL/DR: Communication is key.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby elipsus5 » Thu Mar 03, 2011 2:08 am

Removed.
Last edited by elipsus5 on Sat Feb 04, 2012 8:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby RomanHyena » Thu Mar 03, 2011 6:43 am

I've noticed that different stimulation can cause different kinds of orgasms, and the thing that brings me pleasure most quickly is clitoral stimulation but I always find that as I get close it actually becomes -too- intense and I can't focus on getting myself off at that time, so I end up stopping for a couple seconds and ending up turned on but still not close to orgasm. I've tried to keep going when I get to that point but it's kind of overwhelming and I end up just sitting there feeling the pleasure and forget to keep rubbing until I realize I'm not close anymore because I stopped >.<''

The only time I've had a vaginal-only orgasm I was doggystyle with my partner but instead of him thrusting I was pushing back against him while he stood still, and I guess I ended up doing it fairly hard because I came and he wasn't enjoying it at all (oops xD) so anyone having sex may want their partner to stay still in doggystyle that way they can control the pressure/speed/angle and find out what works best for them.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby D-kit » Thu Mar 03, 2011 5:48 pm

Some advice, and a question;

Not all girls like g-spot stim. I mean, that kinda plays into the whole "every girl is different" thing that's already been touched on, but this point specifically doesn't seem to be mentioned often, and people seem to take it for granted that g-spot = girl pleasure button. I'm gay, and neither me or my girlfriend actually enjoy it. I mean, toys with an upward arc that rub all over the entire anterior wall of the vagina feel good, but the whole "insert fingers, locate g-spot, curl fingers like you're beckoning and rub like crazy" just is downright unpleasant, at least for us. It's just WAY too overstimulating, and not even kind of in a good way, it just kind of makes us feel like we need to pee 8|. So if you're fingering a lady, you try that, and she protests and tries to kick you away, it's not that "it feels too good" or you need to try HARDER or something, it just... might not feel good to her. Blah blah communication.

And now, a slightly embarrassing question. I feel like my rather size-queeny escapades have compromised my tightness to a noticeable degree (nothing TOO dramatic, but I can fist myself if the mood strikes me and a toy of mine with a 6 or 7 inch circumference knot isn't even sort of a challenge). Is there anything other than kegels I can do to try and combat this? I've never received any complaints or anything, I'm just pretty self-conscious about it. And, like, if I assume doggy-style posing, on my elbows and knees, I sort of, er, gape a bit, if that makes sense ><. I thought it might be gravity + my belly pulling me open a bit, but I frankly kinda doubt it - I'm not a big girl by any metric, 5'7" and 140lbs. I can still clamp pretty damn tight, I just feel like it takes me a LOT of effort and my base state is more slack than it once was. I've just been trying to do kegels, only masturbate with less-girthy objects so I have to clamp harder to enjoy it, and not stretching myself any further, but I dunno xD;;. Thanks for any advice.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Kith » Thu Mar 03, 2011 6:18 pm

As far as I know, only the exercises will help keep your muscles taut and healthy.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby dragonrock1 » Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:59 pm

Yeah, I'll throw in my experience I guess.. also standard "every girl is different" disclaimer.

I've only had intercourse with 1 girl, and it was only like 6 times, but it was different each time, so I'll discuss the differences pertaining to this.

One time she was kinda horny and we just started having sex, it wasn't that great and she stopped me till I rubbed her a bit, then we finished, it was alright. Afterwards we had a long talk about how she loves foreplay and all, and what she likes.. I was new to it, so it helped a lot.

One other time we made out for like 10 minutes, I slowly licked and sucked on her neck for a good 10 minutes, then slowly moved down to her breasts, then rubbed her clit.. she had cum about 5-6 times by this point till she was basically begging me to fuck her, so we had sex and she came 4-5 more times, she was super wet and super tight, and it was incredible, and we were both super worn out afterwords.. so lots of foreplay helps on a tremendous scale.

Also positions.. when we had sex missionary, it was pretty good, when I was on the floor and she was on the bed it was better, but when she was laying on her stomach and I payed on her back she came soooo much more (and me too, hehe).

So yeah, jsut take it slow, try lots of things, communicate with your partner.

But yeah, I researched sex stuff all throughout high school (cause I was alone and thought I'd be a virgin for a long time, so I should know how to do stuff, lol).. and it helped a lot.. just a thought. xD
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby seagoingdesert1 » Mon Mar 07, 2011 6:14 pm

D-kit wrote:
And now, a slightly embarrassing question. I feel like my rather size-queeny escapades have compromised my tightness to a noticeable degree (nothing TOO dramatic, but I can fist myself if the mood strikes me and a toy of mine with a 6 or 7 inch circumference knot isn't even sort of a challenge). Is there anything other than kegels I can do to try and combat this? I've never received any complaints or anything, I'm just pretty self-conscious about it. And, like, if I assume doggy-style posing, on my elbows and knees, I sort of, er, gape a bit, if that makes sense ><. I thought it might be gravity + my belly pulling me open a bit, but I frankly kinda doubt it - I'm not a big girl by any metric, 5'7" and 140lbs. I can still clamp pretty damn tight, I just feel like it takes me a LOT of effort and my base state is more slack than it once was. I've just been trying to do kegels, only masturbate with less-girthy objects so I have to clamp harder to enjoy it, and not stretching myself any further, but I dunno xD;;. Thanks for any advice.


your best bet would be to buy vaginal weights and use them. they come in a variety of sizes and weights and you insert them and hold them in place for as long as you can. they are like a super kegel.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Kristina » Mon Mar 07, 2011 10:24 pm

D-kit wrote:And now, a slightly embarrassing question. I feel like my rather size-queeny escapades have compromised my tightness to a noticeable degree (nothing TOO dramatic, but I can fist myself if the mood strikes me and a toy of mine with a 6 or 7 inch circumference knot isn't even sort of a challenge). Is there anything other than kegels I can do to try and combat this? I've never received any complaints or anything, I'm just pretty self-conscious about it. And, like, if I assume doggy-style posing, on my elbows and knees, I sort of, er, gape a bit, if that makes sense ><. I thought it might be gravity + my belly pulling me open a bit, but I frankly kinda doubt it - I'm not a big girl by any metric, 5'7" and 140lbs. I can still clamp pretty damn tight, I just feel like it takes me a LOT of effort and my base state is more slack than it once was. I've just been trying to do kegels, only masturbate with less-girthy objects so I have to clamp harder to enjoy it, and not stretching myself any further, but I dunno xD;;. Thanks for any advice.


Doing lots of kegels and keeping your whole area down there, abdomen and all, well exercised helps a ton.

I lose my size-queeny abilities when I don't use large toys for a while (I tend to not use them as much when my mate's not around). I've always been super careful with stretching, not pushing it too far too fast, but for all I know, we all might have a certain way of being we revert to, and I'd imagine it will change over time.

My advice would be to do what makes you happy!

If I found I was gaping all the time, OH WELL! I love large toys. Long as they're not causing my health any harm, pffft... I'm fine with it.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby dartigen » Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:50 pm

This may sound a little weird, but has anyone here had problems with prolonged contact bleeding from using toys and such after a pap smear?

(I had one four weeks ago, and - without bothering to remember that blood doesn't exactly clot in there what with there being no air and all, and that more bloodflow = more bleeding - went right ahead and about a week later went back to my usual toys. The bleeding has since started and stopped sporadically - I'm fine unless I decide to have any fun or I get aroused (for whatever reason) and then it starts again. It's nowhere near as bad as it was when I had the smear done, just little spots of blood here and there, but it's staining my underwear and it's rather off-putting to both myself and my boyfriend.)
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby seagoingdesert1 » Fri Mar 18, 2011 9:00 pm

dartigen wrote:This may sound a little weird, but has anyone here had problems with prolonged contact bleeding from using toys and such after a pap smear?

(I had one four weeks ago, and - without bothering to remember that blood doesn't exactly clot in there what with there being no air and all, and that more bloodflow = more bleeding - went right ahead and about a week later went back to my usual toys. The bleeding has since started and stopped sporadically - I'm fine unless I decide to have any fun or I get aroused (for whatever reason) and then it starts again. It's nowhere near as bad as it was when I had the smear done, just little spots of blood here and there, but it's staining my underwear and it's rather off-putting to both myself and my boyfriend.)



that doesn't sound right, dartigen, you should call your gyno and ask them about it. he might've scrapped a little too deeply and torn you...
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby dartigen » Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:32 pm

that doesn't sound right, dartigen, you should call your gyno and ask them about it. he might've scrapped a little too deeply and torn you...


I will be seeing the doc in a few days and asking questions - the initial contact bleeding wasn't all that serious (and apparently some bleeding is normal) but it worries me that it's been dragging on for several weeks, although I haven't exactly been giving it a chance to heal. While a couple of times it's been fairly fresh (bright red) blood, for the last few days it actually looks like old blood (brownish). I'm not sure if it's breakthrough bleeding starting up again (I've been using the Pill to skip out on periods for over a year; the breakthrough bleeding stopped altogether about 8 months ago) or if it's from the contact bleeding. (With that being said, I haven't been eating well for the last two weeks either, and I strongly suspect I've come down with something - or my immune system is in the process of giving a virus a good beating.)

Oh, I did have a tip I wanted to mention (after some problems last night) - your other muscles need stretching too, especially if you're prone to cramps or sore joints afterwards. I find that no matter what I do I wind up with a lot of soreness through the back of my knee, so stretching the muscles there afterwards usually helps to relieve it a little, and it can help with some difficult positions if you're not overly flexible. (I have yet to figure out a reliable way of stretching out cramps in the soles of my feet though - moving my toes or standing on that foot seems to do nothing.)
However, don't try to stretch a cramp out - it does way more harm than good. If the cramp doesn't go out on its own, find a hot water bottle or hotpack and put that as close to the cramp as you can. The heat should help your muscles relax. If you keep getting a lot of cramps, especially while you're sleeping, it can mean you're low on sodium or potassium, or that you're dehydrated.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby FuniAZN » Sat Mar 19, 2011 10:43 pm

DarthGlacier wrote:From all the research I've done, there's two possible things, naano.

1) you might just be one of those women who can't get off from Vaginal Penetration.

2) Kegal Exercises. you can order "vaginal barbells" to exercise your kegal muscles. I hear it helps you gain more feeling and control over your muscles which can help you gain more ability of contracting your insides to cum. they tend to look like this. http://www.benwaballs.net/products/250_kegelbarbell.jpg

it actually took me a few years to figure out when I was and wasn't having an actual vaginal orgasm. I used to think I was, but when I actually had one it was much more intense than the past "orgasms" that I have. You should be able to tell the difference, but everyone is different. what can cause one to orgasm may not for another. Just keep at it, hun.


Wow, you done your homework! :O
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Kvite » Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:57 am

Alright, I decided to talk about something I have issues with...being too tight >:1

Now, I pretty much am just naturally that way (as far as I can tell). I have a difficult time fitting wide toys, but thankfully I'm a bit of a masochist so I enjoy getting as much as I can.

However, because apparently I'm just too tight sometimes, I bleed after using a toy, sex, or even "regular" masturbation, and sometimes I'm in pain for days.
I know, I know. Baby steps. But it's difficult to keep in mind, especially since I don't think about what's going to happen after (like being sore for days).

I've gradually stretched a bit thanks to toys and sex, but I'm still just not at the point I'd like to be (that is, not always sore after). Advice? :c
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby Kith » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:49 pm

If you'd like to increase your girth capacity, the best thing you can do is buy a toy specifically for stretching and then use it carefully. If you wanted one from here, I suggest getting whichever size of the Tailstretcher is appropriate for the kind of girth you're after. Stretching sessions should involve insertion of the toy to the point where you feel yourself stretch (before it starts actually hurting) - you stop here for a few moments, then slowly back the toy up a little. After another few moments, repeat. Several light sessions will do more for you than a few hard ones where you end up bleeding and in pain for days, as you are less likely to really damage yourself that way. Real damage will not help you in your quest; in fact, it will hinder your progress.

Be patient - this does not happen quickly. Gradual girth training will give you the ability you want and allow your muscles to keep their elasticity. Forced, painful girth stretching may give you the former, but it is much more likely that continued tissue damage will cause permanent harm to your muscles and give you problems later on.
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Re: Vaginal Sex advice thread

Postby BlackSheep » Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:24 pm

Or if you're looking for a super smooth toy I'd suggest any of the trainers from Zeta. (I am pretty sure there is not a five month backlog on a majority of those, given how when I ordered one for my friend late February it was sent out in a week and arrived to him on his birthday in early March)
The Trumpet definitely has its merits. Didn't think I'd actually use it until I got the Whipspider Mantoy, pretty much became a requirement.
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