Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

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CrimsonSylvr
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Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby CrimsonSylvr » Tue Oct 25, 2016 9:02 am

Hi BD community,

after a long time not paying much attention to the forum, I decided to change that and actively start looking for help instead of envying all the people who seem to have so much fun with their toys. Unfortunately I never dared to talk with anyone about those problems because I was too ashamed.
I don’t intend to whine or complain, I just hope that someone here might have some inputs for me how I can finally experience a fulfilling play session.

So, here we go:
I first heard about BD about 6 years ago. I already had a boyfriend (who's now my husband) but didn't have any real experience in anal play. I found it gross and had no idea how to properly do it, and all previous attempts with other guys failed miserably. Back then I didn't think I could ever fit one of those beautiful toys, and I was too afraid of tying so the idea of buying one slowly disappeared.

But about a year later I got curious again. I finally wanted to experience what it's like to get penetrated that way and ordered David in Size S. It was the smallest thing I dared to try but didn't know anything about how to use it.
So, a few days after it arrived I had a chance to try it for the first time. I was nervous, didn't know what to do, just lubed it up in the bathroom and awkwardly tried to fit it in. It must have been the most ridiculous sight ever. Little surprising it took me about 30 seconds until I came, still far away from even touching the knot. After I was done I thought: “Well, it sure sounded better from what I heard. Cleaning your rear for half an hour just to stand naked and cold in the bathtub trying to shove that thing into your butt by awkwardly bending over and pressing against the base is a little too much effort.”

And that was it. I just didn’t think it was worth it, I had no fun (only a very awkward kind of orgasm that I still can’t explain) and my muscles ached from the “bending-over-while-pushing-in-and-jerkin-off-at-the-same-time” position.
After 2 years or so I gave it another try, hoping that it might feel better or at least different. But again, I was disappointed with the result. I kept trying every few months, hoping that practice help in improving the overall experience, but it was never fulfilling.
2 years ago I bought another toy (Vasu, M, soft) which didn’t work at all and now collects dust ever since my failed first attempt.

To summarize, here’s what bothers me:
1) Standing in the tub to avoid making anything dirty isn’t comfortable or even remotely erotic. There’s lube everywhere and I’m constantly worried I might slip and hit my head. Since my David doesn’t have a suction cup sitting down isn’t possible because it always slips away before it can get in.

2) Cleaning myself takes about 3 times as long as the actual play time. Since the position is so uncomfortable I want to make it as quick as possible, so it never took longer than 5-10 minutes. Cleaning up afterwards takes another 10 minutes, so it*s 40 minutes work for 10 minutes of not a lot of fun.

3) When the toy is in as far as possible, I have an orgasm that always feels “empty” or forced. I try to shove it in as fast and deep as possible, jerk off quickly and then come from the prostate stimulation. There is practically no cum involved, and afterwards I have a strained feeling in my groin area that’s very difficult to describe and lasts for an hour or so.

4) I want to be able to go slow, find a comfortable position, explore myself without having to worry about anything (slipping, making a mess, …). I just want to get lost in the fantasies and the sensation. I guess that’s the reason why I kept trying: because I still hope that there is a way to finally get the experience I always dreamed of when buying a BD toy.

OK, I guess that’s what was on my mind for the last few years. Sorry for the long post, I sincerely hope that there are a few people who bother to read it. Also sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes, English is not my native language.

Thanks,
Crimson
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Kith
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Kith » Tue Oct 25, 2016 9:17 am

Well, perhaps the best way to explore this is to get something to put down on your bed or the floor so that you can get comfortable without worrying about making a mess. There are mattress covers, tarp-like things, and other stuff you can use for this.

Alternatively, you can see about rigging up a harness or similar restraint around your toilet or a hard chair so you can toy sitting down even without the suction cup.

Another idea would be involving your husband to help you learn what sort of toy stimulation in which position(s) you prefer. Then you'll know what you're looking for solo and with some practice you'll hopefully be able to reproduce the effect.
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Shardik » Tue Oct 25, 2016 11:43 am

CrimsonSylvr wrote:1) Standing in the tub to avoid making anything dirty isn’t comfortable or even remotely erotic. There’s lube everywhere and I’m constantly worried I might slip and hit my head. Since my David doesn’t have a suction cup sitting down isn’t possible because it always slips away before it can get in.


Go to your local pharmacy, go to the "elder care" section, and buy a couple of non-slip strips. Use them strategically in your shower. Not only will they prevent toys from slipping away, they'll actually help you from slipping away. That said, I've never had a problem with toys slipping away, and I've been kneeling/sitting over them for years. Just putting a washcloth underneath them seems to provide enough friction to keep them from going places.

CrimsonSylvr wrote:2) Cleaning myself takes about 3 times as long as the actual play time. Since the position is so uncomfortable I want to make it as quick as possible, so it never took longer than 5-10 minutes. Cleaning up afterwards takes another 10 minutes, so it*s 40 minutes work for 10 minutes of not a lot of fun.


First, go to a hardware store and buy a shower massage with a six foot or, if you can find one, even an eight-foot hose. Then find a high-end toy-store and buy a shower shot. They're relatively quick to swap, and you can clean out in less than five minutes. You'll probably want a pressure regulator valve for the shower massage, and that'll give you a chance to dial the water all the way down to a bare, warm trickle, which is all you need. You don't actually want to really clean out; you just want to encourage peristalsis to empty out the lower portion.

Other than that, think of this as a hobby. You're exploring. Take your time, slow down, try to enjoy yourself, try to enjoy the sensations. There's no reason to race to your orgasm.
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Rainbow Dasher » Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:04 pm

I'm not a guy, but I do play anally (sometimes), solo play, and toy my husband, so I will try and help.

1. Stop toying in the tub. I know, so many people make toying in the shower to sound like some uber hot, super erotic thing when all it is, is an accident waiting to happen. We've actually had users here, a while back, stating they *did* hurt themselves while trying to play in the shower, due to slipping on a bit of lube. If you're constantly worried about slipping and your position isn't comfortable, you won't be able to relax. If you can't relax, nothing will feel good and you'll only end up frustrated.

Many people toy in bed. If you're worried about mess put down a towel. It's all I needed to ever do even if playing with a toy with a cumtube. Does music help relax you or candles? Light some, if it helps; put on whatever music might help you get in the mood. If looking at erotic art or reading erotica is what does it for you, have a look at some, first, and get aroused. Something that can also help is warming your toy before play. Silicone holds heat very well so you don't want to boil it or anything. I usually soak the toy in the bathroom sink (warm water) for ten minutes before using. It helps a lot; it usually isn't great fun to shove a cold toy up there. Well, okay...sometimes it is, but a warm toy can help you get lost in the fantasy of it much easier, at least for me.

Another thing quite a good many people do, is rig up something with a strap-on harness. Some wrap it around a large box/crate and have the toy positioned up top, for riding, some strap it to a large plushie (if you're into that) and some strap it to a pillow. If none of those will work or sound even remotely appealing, why not have your husband help you? That would be the easiest option. He could do all of the lovely, teasing things he knows you like, and then help you get the toy in and can even thrust it for you, while you get lost in whatever fantasy you choose.

2. Not everyone needs to spend time cleaning out. For a small David, you probably don't. The people who spend 30 - 60 minutes in prep time are generally people who take toys in excess of a foot or more. The farther in your go, the more you have to clean. For a small David... I wouldn't bother. If you're concerned about "matter" on the toy, use a condom over the top of it. Beware of pre-lubricated condoms! Use nothing with silicone anything on/in it or you will damage your toy. After you're done, toss said condom away and wash up your toy with a bit of antibacterial soap and you're done! The towel you put down can be tossed into your dirty clothes basket.

3. What you describe sounds like you're forcing the experience. Not everyone can just shove it in, work it as fast as possible, cum and then feel satisfied in a short amount of time. You need to slow down, relax, take your time and explore with this toy. It isn't about shoving it in quickly, thrusting fast and hard, and trying to cum as fast as you can. You have to slow down and relax! Take the time to explore the toy; how does it feel when you tease it against your hole? How does it feel when you thrust slowly; how does it feel when you give yourself long, firm strokes? How does it feel iff you let it rest inside of you while you masturbate the more traditional way? Take it slow and enjoy the experience. It's not about how fast you reach orgasm.

It's also possible that your past thoughts on anal, about it being gross and what not, could also be playing a part in you trying to get everything over with as quickly as possible while trying to play. It can be a bit of a difficult thing to get past.

These toys are also a learning curve and it can take time, to find out what toys work for you and what doesn't mesh well with your anatomy. However, I would give it quite a bit more time before throwing in the towel and thinking anal just isn't for you.

Hope I was able to help.
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Kisa
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Kisa » Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:16 pm

CrimsonSylvr wrote:Hi BD community,

after a long time not paying much attention to the forum, I decided to change that and actively start looking for help instead of envying all the people who seem to have so much fun with their toys. Unfortunately I never dared to talk with anyone about those problems because I was too ashamed.
I don’t intend to whine or complain, I just hope that someone here might have some inputs for me how I can finally experience a fulfilling play session.

So, here we go:
I first heard about BD about 6 years ago. I already had a boyfriend (who's now my husband) but didn't have any real experience in anal play. I found it gross and had no idea how to properly do it, and all previous attempts with other guys failed miserably. Back then I didn't think I could ever fit one of those beautiful toys, and I was too afraid of tying so the idea of buying one slowly disappeared.

But about a year later I got curious again. I finally wanted to experience what it's like to get penetrated that way and ordered David in Size S. It was the smallest thing I dared to try but didn't know anything about how to use it.
So, a few days after it arrived I had a chance to try it for the first time. I was nervous, didn't know what to do, just lubed it up in the bathroom and awkwardly tried to fit it in. It must have been the most ridiculous sight ever. Little surprising it took me about 30 seconds until I came, still far away from even touching the knot. After I was done I thought: “Well, it sure sounded better from what I heard. Cleaning your rear for half an hour just to stand naked and cold in the bathtub trying to shove that thing into your butt by awkwardly bending over and pressing against the base is a little too much effort.”

And that was it. I just didn’t think it was worth it, I had no fun (only a very awkward kind of orgasm that I still can’t explain) and my muscles ached from the “bending-over-while-pushing-in-and-jerkin-off-at-the-same-time” position.
After 2 years or so I gave it another try, hoping that it might feel better or at least different. But again, I was disappointed with the result. I kept trying every few months, hoping that practice help in improving the overall experience, but it was never fulfilling.
2 years ago I bought another toy (Vasu, M, soft) which didn’t work at all and now collects dust ever since my failed first attempt.

To summarize, here’s what bothers me:
1) Standing in the tub to avoid making anything dirty isn’t comfortable or even remotely erotic. There’s lube everywhere and I’m constantly worried I might slip and hit my head. Since my David doesn’t have a suction cup sitting down isn’t possible because it always slips away before it can get in.

2) Cleaning myself takes about 3 times as long as the actual play time. Since the position is so uncomfortable I want to make it as quick as possible, so it never took longer than 5-10 minutes. Cleaning up afterwards takes another 10 minutes, so it*s 40 minutes work for 10 minutes of not a lot of fun.

3) When the toy is in as far as possible, I have an orgasm that always feels “empty” or forced. I try to shove it in as fast and deep as possible, jerk off quickly and then come from the prostate stimulation. There is practically no cum involved, and afterwards I have a strained feeling in my groin area that’s very difficult to describe and lasts for an hour or so.

4) I want to be able to go slow, find a comfortable position, explore myself without having to worry about anything (slipping, making a mess, …). I just want to get lost in the fantasies and the sensation. I guess that’s the reason why I kept trying: because I still hope that there is a way to finally get the experience I always dreamed of when buying a BD toy.

OK, I guess that’s what was on my mind for the last few years. Sorry for the long post, I sincerely hope that there are a few people who bother to read it. Also sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes, English is not my native language.

Thanks,
Crimson


I'm not sure if anyone has suggested this. But I'm going to suggest starting out using smaller things back there before using a dildo or human peen back there. I suggest getting a small butt plug, one that's made from silicone, metal, or glass, because these materials are non-porous and won't harbor any bacteria. They have plugs the size of your finger to waaay big things. I suggest using a small thin plug to get yourself started with toying anally before you start introducing dildos/having anal sex, since you are struggling to enjoy it this much.

I think getting a plug to use while you play with other areas of your body can help you go slow and introduce you to the world of toying anally. Instead of getting a dildo and shoving it back there, the plug will sit there and give you the sensation of something back there while you play and fantasize. It'll also help you with figuring out what you like back there. Like for me anally I like smooth that don't vibrate, but some people like textures, vibrations, all kinds of stuff. Anal stimulation requires experimentation like everything else, and I think a few good plugs will help you out
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Mini (5) Echo
Small (5) Ika
Medium (5) Echo
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Robiland
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Robiland » Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:49 pm

I don't believe in enemas really it tends to dry me out back there and I don't want to use a lube/oil enema. I believe you should prepare thoroughly a day or two prior for confident anal play. If you are able to afford something like soylent or holfood ( https://holfood.com/pages/faq ) to use strictly for anal, then that makes it really easy. I just drink my day's serving of holfood with a lot of water the day before I plan to play, then everything is really clean when I am ready to go the next day in the afternoon/evening or morning sometimes if every star aligns.

If you can buy a lil squirt, use it with lube before you play to make sure you are fully lubed up inside. It makes a huge difference to be really thoroughly lubed. I normally don't play in the shower unless I get a chance and don't care if I'm not perfectly prepared, but if I play in the shower I have to use a layer of raw cocoa butter on my toys as any little bit of water can really reduce the effectiveness of water based lubes. If my insides and the toy are coated in a natural oil underneath the water based lube, there is never really an issue and the lube lasts much longer. You can also use coconut oil, but when I last used fractionated coconut oil it gave me contact dermatitis and I just prefer cocoa butter to coconut oil personally. I might buy a big tub of solid virgin coconut oil but I'm not sure. Cocoa butter smells like chocolate and that turns me on a lot :misc2:

Get a liberator throe and you'll never worry about making a mess ever again, I keep a towel nearby to wipe my hands on and the dildos after I'm done with them in a multi-toy session, then I just throw it all in the wash and it's a no hassle thing. Playing outside of the shower is much easier, but with oil and avoidance of water, shower play can be really nice and really takes me away to another place in my experience. I love the sound of the water I guess. Liberator also makes toy mounts that work with some models/sizes of BD toys. If you're not taking something huge or with a ballsy base you will probably be able to ride it really well. I have the bonbon but I kinda wish I had the wing. Paired with my ramp and wedge the bonbon works fine though.

Make sure to use very small toys at first and use them until you discover true anal pleasure with them. Then you can move onto the next toy and use it until it feels good(Edit: By this I mean, feels good to fck yourself senseless with it. Anyone able to play anally can work up to achieving this with the smallest of toys, and it's just a gradual process from there on out). A really important piece of advice I read on this forum was to very gently push out against the toys(this was suggested for depth play, though it makes all anal play work better in my experience) as you press them in. This helps your muscles conform and take in the toy much much better. If I don't do that I find that the toy just mashes in and I can barely tell what's going on and have to go really slow. If I do, it glides in and I can distinctively feel the shape of the toy. It also helps to squeeze on it, and to just really really take things as slow and small as it takes to make it feel pleasurable.

I started off feeling like I could never enjoy it, but now I'm about to buy a large chance. I know I can take the depth. Anal training is something that happens over months and years rather than within a single session. Just do what feels good and always think about moving forward until you know what size you want to stop at. For me, my full wishlist is: XL/3 Echo, XL/3 Chance, L/3 or 5 Chance(undecided on firmness), L/3 Tentacle, L/3 Rex, M/3 Flint, M/5 Crackers, M/5 Cole with cumtube, M/5 or 3 Bumblehooves, Lil vibe tongue for my we-vibe tango :excited: , and a lil squirt or two. Maybe more but that's all I know I will be able and willing to adapt to. My first toy five years ago was a tantus echo and it took me a really long time to understand how anal works on my own. These forums have really good information if you look around too.

Hope I helped a little :) Anal is really fun, and it's for almost everyone~! :words:

PS: Sorry for lack of BD toys, but here is my resume: http://imgur.com/a/Fi2Ta I've taken the big black one that kinda looks like a rattlesnake tail 10.5 inches deep. It took a lot of experimenting and buying over the years to figure it all out. I just didn't want to give up on taking toys up my butt :P Can't give up on a good thing unless you know it's bad for you. I am so sorry for those who can't play anally.
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby mynickname » Tue Oct 25, 2016 2:48 pm

Robiland wrote:solid virgin coconut oil but I'm not sure.
That is the proper coconut oil to use. Though many different oils cause some people to breakout if they get it all over their skin. Get a small container first if you just want to try it out, no need to waste money on a large tub if you already think you won't like it.


Everybody has given you good advice so far, so I'll come at this from a different angle. What are you trying to get out of anal stimulation? Prostate orgasms, anal orgasms, full-body orgasms , stronger ejaculations, general pleasure, massive stretchiness, etc... You go about them in different ways. And why are you doing all this work yourself? Have your husband peg you or give you a prostate massage. All you'll need to do is relax and focus on the sensations. Don't touch yourself while it's going on. If you can't not stop stroking yourself, use a numbing cream/spray on your penis so you can take more time to warm up anally.

While playing, don't focus on orgasming. Just like sleep, you do a better job getting there when you're not focused on it. Only focus on how your body is responding and what it feels like, don't have any goals in mind. Turn the heater up too. If you're too cold you'll be too distracted to enjoy it.

You're using only warm water for the enemas correct?

I'd stay skip buying anymore toys for now and instead play around using your hand. Feel around for areas that feel better than others.
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Robiland » Tue Oct 25, 2016 3:01 pm

mynickname wrote:
Robiland wrote:solid virgin coconut oil but I'm not sure.
That is the proper coconut oil to use. Though many different oils cause some people to breakout if they get it all over their skin. Get a small container first if you just want to try it out, no need to waste money on a large tub if you already think you won't like it.


Oh I know I love it, just advising people fractionated coconut oil is bad news for lube in my experience. It seems convenient to have it as a liquid but it's just not skin friendly, especially not internally :(. For me anyway. The conflict I'm having is that I can get a pound of raw food grade cocoa butter chunks off amazon with free shipping for 30 dollars and it lasts a really long time/is also good for my skin. While I'm preparing my toy I put a small chunk of it in me and it melts and everything becomes so creamy and amazing. No other lube has given me such a creamy milky feel. It's amazing, like the best lube feeling ever lol. Makes me think that it must be like that to have a really creamy V. So sexy. It's a cream dream!! :psyduck:

I'm definitely getting a lil squirt and cumlube. Pairing cocoa butter with a good water based lube is over the top rider's heaven. I can't even imagine how amazing my sessions would go if I warmed up with a lil squirt creampie.

The one thing about coconut oil, is if you buy a large amount of it you 100% have to make sure to not take from the big bucket when using it. It's really really easy to contaminate so just take out like 50-100ml at a time and be clean about it.

Anyway hope someone tries cocoa butter. Just make sure it is pure/raw/food grade and make sure to work it into liquid/paste with your hands. It's crazy how good it feels. It's also got a lot of really healthy properties for you and it's a major turn on if you love chocolate because everything smells like chocolate when you use it.
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby CrimsonSylvr » Tue Oct 25, 2016 11:52 pm

Wow, I just woke up and see all those responses! I'm totally overwhelmed, thank you!!
I can see now that I was too narrow-minded in how I toyed. There are so many possibilities I didn't even think about.
However there are some things I don't really understand how they work.

mynickname wrote:What are you trying to get out of anal stimulation? Prostate orgasms, anal orgasms, full-body orgasms , stronger ejaculations, general pleasure, massive stretchiness, etc... You go about them in different ways.

Never thought about that, really. I guess I was curious about prostate orgasm but it was never my goal to have one. I didn't even know that an "anal orgasm" exists xD I guess since everyone seems to be so into BD toys I wanted to have fun with them as well, it always sounded so easy and intense so I never suspected that there might be something like a "learning curve". I'm also not the type who can masturbate for hours, usually it's "Find porn - jerk off - mission accomplished" and I'm done in 10 minutes. I don't really know how to explore myself or "go slow", I never thought that this could be an enjoyable part on it's own. But as I see it now this is something I have to work on in order to have a better sex life overall.

mynickname wrote:And why are you doing all this work yourself? Have your husband peg you or give you a prostate massage.

Well, anal isn't really part of our sex life because he's not into it. I can try and explain this idea to him, but it won't be easy :(

Robiland wrote:If you can buy a lil squirt, use it with lube before you play to make sure you are fully lubed up inside. It makes a huge difference to be really thoroughly lubed.

This might be the solution to my problem with toys and BD cumlube: since they changed the formula it goes everywhere except the toy. It's all over my legs, butt cheeks, the floor, but the toy is mostly dry before I could even reach back because it's sticking to my hand like some liquid gum and just pulled off or running down over my hands. I always have this initial pain when the tip enters, maybe better lubrication can help with that.

Robiland wrote:Get a liberator throe and you'll never worry about making a mess ever again

Sorry, I don't know what this is. Could you maybe send me a link to the product description?

Kisa wrote:I think getting a plug to use while you play with other areas of your body can help you go slow and introduce you to the world of toying anally. Instead of getting a dildo and shoving it back there, the plug will sit there and give you the sensation of something back there while you play and fantasize.

I guess by now I know the feeling, and having something big like David in me is definitely a huge part of what turns me on. But yeah, I was also thinking about a plug because I want to know what it feels like to have something in there longer than a minute or two.

Rainbow Dasher wrote:Something that can also help is warming your toy before play. Silicone holds heat very well so you don't want to boil it or anything. I usually soak the toy in the bathroom sink (warm water) for ten minutes before using.

This is a very interesting advice, never thought about that. The cold feeling is definitely something that's not erotic so I'll give this a try!

Rainbow Dasher wrote:Not everyone needs to spend time cleaning out. For a small David, you probably don't.

I'm mostly concerned about something coming out when I pull the toy out. That's the reason I considered the bathtub to be the cleanest was to play, there is water nearby and you can wash your toy immediately, lube it up again and push it back in. Having it all just run out and onto a towel on the bed seemed like a very nasty thing.

Rainbow Dasher wrote:You need to slow down, relax, take your time and explore with this toy. It isn't about shoving it in quickly, thrusting fast and hard, and trying to cum as fast as you can. You have to slow down and relax! Take the time to explore the toy; how does it feel when you tease it against your hole? How does it feel when you thrust slowly; how does it feel when you give yourself long, firm strokes? How does it feel iff you let it rest inside of you while you masturbate the more traditional way?

As I said, I've never done anything like this before. "Normal" masturbation doesn't take me long either, I can do it in a minute if I have to xD Playing with myself is something I have to learn somehow.

Shardik wrote:First, go to a hardware store and buy a shower massage with a six foot or, if you can find one, even an eight-foot hose. Then find a high-end toy-store and buy a shower shot. They're relatively quick to swap, and you can clean out in less than five minutes.

This sounds like a very useful thing as well. I've seen those things but I didn't really understand how to use them. What do you do with the water in you? Do I have to get out of the shower and walk across the hall to the toilet and empty myself there? Or is this usually done in the shower (which seems a little disgusting)?


Once again thanks for all your replies and advice, I'm so glad that I finally opened up about this!
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Idra
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Idra » Wed Oct 26, 2016 12:20 am

1. If you're having a problem with BD's cumlube, then the li'l squirt isn't a bad idea, but it might also be a good idea to branch out into other lubes -- ones that are specifically formulated for anal use or just ones that are highly recommended in general. I've personally used Sliquid Sassy in the past, which is Sliquid's anal lube, a thick water-based lube that I find stays where I put it decently well. I've also heard good reports of Good Clean Love. And of course, there's always j-lube, which comes powdered and you can mix to be as thick/thin as you want it.

2. If you have trouble going slow in general, and your husband isn't open to anal play at all, then you could consider asking him to still incorporate slow teasing into your sex life: edging (keeping you on the edge of orgasm or making you get to the edge of orgasm and then backing off repeatedly), teasingly light/slow touches, etc etc. This won't help you directly with anal play, and you might find you don't enjoy it -- that's okay! But if you do like it, you'll probably find you both like the experience and the tease while it's happening, and that it makes the orgasm at the end stronger. Then it'll be easier to apply that principle to anal; if you find yourself having an urge to get it over with, or go too quickly, you can remind yourself of how good/rewarding delaying orgasm was before, with your husband.

3. I'd also second the idea of getting a plug. I really, really, really didn't enjoy thrusting anything anally when I first started, but I did really love the insertion process and the feeling of fullness inside. I found just inserting a plug could get me wet, and that the longer I ignored its presence as best I could (no touching the plug, my nipples, or my clit) the wetter I got. Then I started with very shallow, slow thrusts with a VERY smooth dildo, basically just rocking my hips on it, and progressed from there. I still don't like rough or hard pounding of my butt and that's okay with me, but if you do want to be able to take a rough pounding then working up to that slowly is still what I'd recommend.

4. Finally, I've never ever cleaned myself out before I did anything anal. I have always just had a bowel movement and then gone ahead and toyed. I've been doing this on and off for 6 years and have only found any "yuck" a handful of times, and only after I was done, when I could just go and clean up immediately anyway. I've never had problems with anything coming out or with having to stop mid-session to take care of an issue. In general I hate shower toying and for me the risk of a bit of fecal matter on the towel I put down under me is a risk I'm willing to take for the ability to toy in my comfy bed, surrounded by my usual masturbation accoutrements (but again, that's literally never happened; nothing has ever gotten on the towel, and even when there's been anything it's been a speck on the toy and gone no further than that). I know it's not really pleasant to have to deal with poop, but especially with small and short toys, I really wouldn't worry about it beyond putting a towel down.
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DrZed
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby DrZed » Wed Oct 26, 2016 12:34 am

CrimsonSylvr wrote:This sounds like a very useful thing as well. I've seen those things but I didn't really understand how to use them. What do you do with the water in you? Do I have to get out of the shower and walk across the hall to the toilet and empty myself there? Or is this usually done in the shower (which seems a little disgusting)?


Once again thanks for all your replies and advice, I'm so glad that I finally opened up about this!

Yes, you should to actually use the toilet. Yes, it's hard if you have it across the hall.
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Koshmary
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Koshmary » Wed Oct 26, 2016 2:27 am

CrimsonSylvr wrote:
Robiland wrote:Get a liberator throe and you'll never worry about making a mess ever again

Sorry, I don't know what this is. Could you maybe send me a link to the product description?


https://www.liberator.com/fur-fascinator-throw.html

https://www.liberator.com/fascinator-lu ... -size.html

https://www.liberator.com/fascinator-mini-throe.html
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Robiland
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Robiland » Wed Oct 26, 2016 7:52 am

CrimsonSylvr wrote:
mynickname wrote:What are you trying to get out of anal stimulation? Prostate orgasms, anal orgasms, full-body orgasms , stronger ejaculations, general pleasure, massive stretchiness, etc... You go about them in different ways.

Never thought about that, really. I guess I was curious about prostate orgasm but it was never my goal to have one. I didn't even know that an "anal orgasm" exists xD I guess since everyone seems to be so into BD toys I wanted to have fun with them as well, it always sounded so easy and intense so I never suspected that there might be something like a "learning curve". I'm also not the type who can masturbate for hours, usually it's "Find porn - jerk off - mission accomplished" and I'm done in 10 minutes. I don't really know how to explore myself or "go slow", I never thought that this could be an enjoyable part on it's own. But as I see it now this is something I have to work on in order to have a better sex life overall.


For sure! Anal is too much work to just get off in moments by touching your D for the O. I try my best to keep hands off as long as possible, but it can also help with insertion to lightly play with yourself with the sole intent of relaxing your butt. My best sessions are my longest ones because during a longer session you get a chance to really lube up and relax your insides and can work into a really smooth and hard rhythm depending on where you're at. When I have sessions like that my eyes roll back and I can start to drool but it takes a really good session for that to happen. If you're able to last longer in anal play, it will open your body up to enduring the sensations of sex in general for longer. That's always good, unless you're trying to get off quick. But, I can get off nearly as fast as I want to because of my increased control/feel/confidence in my sexuality so while ymmv, I can still have quickies. Just make sure to not force anything at all and you won't desensitize/hurt yourself. Anal is serious stuff so don't mess around! Nobody can stress this enough.

CrimsonSylvr wrote:
Robiland wrote:If you can buy a lil squirt, use it with lube before you play to make sure you are fully lubed up inside. It makes a huge difference to be really thoroughly lubed.

This might be the solution to my problem with toys and BD cumlube: since they changed the formula it goes everywhere except the toy. It's all over my legs, butt cheeks, the floor, but the toy is mostly dry before I could even reach back because it's sticking to my hand like some liquid gum and just pulled off or running down over my hands. I always have this initial pain when the tip enters, maybe better lubrication can help with that.


The lil squirt is small enough that it will be a very good warm-up toy on top of a lube applicator. If I owned one I would start 100% of my sessions with it and I believe it would make a world of a difference. Don't feel like you have to use cum-lube with it either, your favourite lube that is compatible with BD toys will be fine with it as long as it's liquid.

CrimsonSylvr wrote:
Robiland wrote:Get a liberator throe and you'll never worry about making a mess ever again

Sorry, I don't know what this is. Could you maybe send me a link to the product description?


Someone linked it already. It's pretty expensive but they are really worth it. You can play anywhere you want basically and it's a nice looking play area compared to towels. Like a shower, it creates a play zone that can take me to another place. It won't fail you like towels can either because it is waterproof unless you break the plastic barrier inside it. It's not a blanket for anything but playing on but I can't play without it outside the shower so it's really important to me. All of liberator's gear is worth looking at as well, so here's a link to their site: https://www.liberator.com/

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tl1ksdragon
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby tl1ksdragon » Wed Oct 26, 2016 6:23 pm

I don't know if anyone has said this specifically, but get your bum as close to your feet as possible when inserting. For me it helps tremendously. It seems weird at first, and go slow, lube, etc. But mostly that squatting position helps. I play in the shower, using cumlube and have almost slipped once, but you learn to manage how much ends up on the floor. I don't actually turn on the shower until I am almost finished to conserve the hot water, but that's just me. Neither of my toys have suction cups, but the silicone is so heavy that once you are nice and warmed up, the weight of the toy often makes the ones without knots slide right out, so you have to find a good rythym. Just my 2 cents.
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Prydri
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Re: Uncomfortable and unfulfilling - What am I doing wrong?

Postby Prydri » Thu Nov 03, 2016 3:14 pm

I have super bad anxiety issues with waste stuff, but I am crazy about anal stimulation, so I ended up getting a lil squirt and clean out with about 4 syringes of water in the bathroom before applying lube. The squirt is awesome since you can refill the syringe in a cup next to the toilet, so don't have to mess with the shower. It's a handy little guy with a lot of uses.

But as everyone else said, get a towel or one of those waterproof throws and just lay in bed relax and explore. Trying to rush anal stimulation I feel leads to a bad time and is usually best (at least for me) when you let it build up until it eventually becomes overwhelming.

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